


Practically Perfect In Every Way

by americanphancakes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Crying, Divorce, M/M, Panic Attacks, Romantic Tension, Scheming Children, Sexual Tension, babysitter!dan, parent!phil, who are totally adorable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-10-01 23:26:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17253359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americanphancakes/pseuds/americanphancakes
Summary: Unhappily married father of two Phil Lester needs to hire a housekeeper-slash-babysitter when work gets crazy. The new babysitter, Dan, is kind, articulate, into video games, and absolutely gorgeous. Phil begins to doubt that it's worth trying to make his failing marriage work... and his kids agree.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> It's finally here! I came up with this idea on tumblr ages ago and everyone responded super positively, so I thought I'd ring in 2019 with the first part. I hope you guys enjoy it!

Phil Lester was a 32-year-old married father of two. His wife, Olivia, 33 years old, worked hard to provide for her family as an account manager for a technology staffing firm. Phil worked his own day job as a video editor until precisely 5:00 PM, at which time he came home, made enough dinner for everyone, and ate with his children. Olivia reheated her portion of the meal whenever she got home, often long after her children were asleep.

 

Matthew was a precocious 11 year old who enjoyed reading, video games, and riding his bike. He was playfully called “teacher’s pet” by some kids, but he answered their teasing with friendly banter or shrugs. He wasn’t bothered at all by them; he had his select few close friends who were genuine and loyal, and that was enough for him. He didn’t feel the need to impress the sort of kids who called him names.

 

Julie was 8 and, while not as clever as her older brother, could still be quite cheeky. Still trying to figure out her own identity, she rather idolized Matthew and frequently mimicked him or went along with his ideas when playing. She did her homework alongside him at the table every afternoon. If she didn’t have any more homework, she would sit and draw or write stories until Matthew was finished.

 

Both children spent a lot of time on the internet even though, in accordance with house rules, they technically weren’t supposed to.

 

Despite his failure to verbally discourage the children’s excessive internet use, Phil was a very attentive father. As soon as he got home at dinnertime, the whole of his existence centered on Matthew and Olivia. He talked with them at dinner about how school went and what they were currently interested in, whether that was Minecraft or knitting or Adventure Time or Julie’s sudden obsession with math once she turned 7. Phil did everything he could to be approachable and supportive, trying to play the role of both parents at once.

 

He put the kids to bed promptly at 9:00 PM every night to ensure they got enough rest and to ensure he had at least an hour to himself every night. He usually spent that time playing a few rounds of Fortnite or clicking around Reddit, letting himself wind down before bed.

 

Olivia would get home anywhere between 7 and 11 each night. He used to like when she made it home by 9, because then they had some time to be intimate and feel like a real married couple before he fell asleep. Unfortunately, for the last year or so, she had been complaining of being too tired even when she was home early enough. After awhile, Phil stopped trying to initiate anything.

 

By now, they were more like roommates. She was barely a wife at all. She was barely even a mother anymore, even when she was home.

  
  


One evening, Matthew came across a news article about the importance of striking a healthy work-life balance as a working mother in the 2010s. He determinedly printed it out, stapled the pages, and left it on his mother’s pillow for her to find.

 

Phil came across it as he was getting ready to go to sleep and, finding himself agreeing entirely with Matthew’s sentiment, he left it there. If Olivia had any reaction to it, or if she even read it at all, Phil never knew because she never brought it up.

 

Phil did know, however, that his marriage was slowly crumbling. And what broke his heart more was that at least one of his children could see it too.

 

***

 

One day in late October, Phil got an overwhelmingly big assignment. It wasn’t just that the client was particularly important, nor that it was a complex project due in only a few months. Oh no, it was _ all of the above _ \-- an hour-long documentary about romantic relationships in modern Britain that was scheduled to air on a national television network during the week leading up to Valentine’s Day. The preliminary edit had to be completed by mid-December before everything was effectively closed during the lead-up to Christmas. He’d need to work weekends to finish it by then -- it simply wasn’t possible otherwise!

 

“But I can’t!” Phil begged his boss. “My wife is barely home anymore. Who’s going to take care of my kids?”

 

“Not my problem,” Phil’s boss grunted. “Hire a nanny or something.”

 

***

 

Olivia, of course, was much too busy to aid in the search for a nanny. 

 

“What if I hire someone and they’re absolutely awful?” Phil said to her as they were getting ready for work one morning. This was virtually the only time they spent together anymore, and they made sure to wake up at the same time so they could have it.

 

“I don’t think that will happen, Phil, darling,” Olivia said. Her face looked resigned and saddened. “To be honest, you’re far more qualified than I am to find someone. You know the kids better than I do.” She chuckled bitterly as she put her earrings in, trying not to make prolonged eye contact with her husband.

 

Phil gave a half-smile and kissed his wife on the temple. “If you believe in me, then okay,” he said.

 

Knowing Olivia had confidence that Phil knew what he was doing, he put an advert in the Times for a nanny.

 

He specified needing a “Mary Poppins” type - someone to keep the kids engaged and happy, not just someone who could clean the house and have their phone at the ready to call 999 if anyone was injured. He also explained that the job would primarily be on the weekends, but he’d prefer someone who could help with dinner 2 or 3 days a week as their availability permitted.

 

After a few days, no one had yet responded. Phil was beginning to regret the rather timid wording of his advertisement when, one afternoon while he was at the office, his phone got a text message.

 

**Unknown Number:**

Hello, I hope you don’t mind that I’m texting. Is this the person who placed the advertisement for a sitter and housekeeper?

 

**Phil Lester:**

Yes! Thank you for responding. :)

 

**Unknown Number:**

Has the position been filled?   
  


**Phil Lester:**

No, it hasn’t. Did you want to set up a phone interview for this evening?

 

**Unknown Number:**

That would be lovely, thank you. I’ll be available after 7:00.

 

**Phil Lester:**

I’ll call you at 7:30 then. We should just be finishing dinner around then.   
Is this a good number to reach you?

 

**Unknown Number:**

Yes, feel free to call as soon as you’re done eating - no need to hurry on my account.

 

**Phil Lester:**

What’s your name? So I know what to call the contact in my phone.

 

**Unknown Number:**

Daniel Howell

 

**Phil Lester:**

Alright, all set. I’ll talk to you tonight!

 

**Daniel Howell:**   
Talk to you then!

 

***

 

Having gotten precisely zero responses before this one, Phil was getting some serious ‘too good to be true’ vibes. Daniel appeared quite polite and professional in his texts, and he was so considerate about dinnertime. There was no way the only responder was going to be the right fit for the job, Phil figured. But he did sound responsible so he supposed there was no harm in giving him a call.

 

At about 7:15, Phil and the kids had finished eating, and they headed off to their rooms to entertain themselves before bed. Phil picked up the phone, opened up Dan’s contact information, and hit the call button.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hi there, Daniel was it?”

 

“Yes, may I ask who’s calling?”

 

“My name’s Phil Lester. I’m the one who placed the ad for a housekeeper and babysitter. We spoke via text earlier?”

 

“Oh!” Daniel suddenly sounded a bit flustered, as though he’d been relaxing and now needed to put on his professional voice. “Yes, of course! How are you doing tonight, Mr. Lester?”

 

Phil chuckled. “Feel free to chuck out the formalities. Just call me Phil. You don’t need to be so polite, it’s okay.”

 

Daniel laughed -- or, really, giggled -- and audibly exhaled. “In that case, Dan is fine. ‘Daniel’ makes me sound much cooler and more dignified than I am.”

 

Phil had a hard time believing that. Dan mumbled a bit, sure, but he was generally rather articulate. He sounded well-educated, and clearly was making every attempt to be polite and considerate. “Well, you sound perfectly dignified to me!” Phil said.

 

On the other end of the line, Dan was smiling. Phil actually sounded just as nervous about this conversation as he was. “So I suppose you want to ask about my qualifications and such?”

 

They ended up speaking on the phone for considerably longer than was strictly necessary. Dan shared stories of previous jobs as a nanny, housesitter, housekeeper, and even just waterer of plants. He supplied references and proof of first aid training, sending the info via e-mail while still on the phone with Phil. He had all the bases covered. And to top it off, he was friendly and interesting to talk to. He appeared very intelligent - smarter than Phil was, to be sure.

 

“What did you get your degree in, if I may?”

 

And, for the first time, Dan’s confident facade fell away. “Oh, er-- the um, the thing is, I… dropped out of school. Out of university, I mean. I started at Manchester for a law degree in 2010, but it wasn’t for me. I’d started doing this job while I was in school, and eventually I realized it was more fulfilling and interesting than law could ever be, at least for me personally. So I dropped out of school after my first year. I thought it was silly to keep working towards a degree that wasn’t going to make me happy, you know?” Dan paused, still sounding quite nervous. “I hope this doesn’t hurt my chances of working for you, because… honestly, this sounds like a very good fit for me.”

 

Phil didn’t have to give it much thought. “Not at all. From the sound of it, you’re very experienced and would do a great job. Would you mind coming over Saturday for one last in-person interview?”

 

***

 

When Phil opened the door, he finally had a face to match the voice he heard on the phone. And what a face! Smooth skin, ever so slightly uneven smile, sparkling brown eyes. He looked very young, but given that he went to university in 2010, he couldn’t be younger than 26.

 

“Hello!” Phil said brightly. “You must be Dan.”

 

“Yes,” the young man said as he and Phil shook hands. “It’s lovely to finally meet you!” He looked around. “You have a lovely home.”

 

“Thank you! I do my best. Would you like me to take your coat?”

 

“Oh, thank you!”

 

Dan slipped off his coat and Phil took it, draping it carefully over his arm. “I’ll go hang this up. You can have a seat in the lounge, if you like!” He motioned in the general direction of the lounge, where two sofas were set up in an L-shape to face the large television set in the corner. “The kids are in there watching Steven Universe.”

 

Dan smiled and gave an acknowledging nod, and walked over to the lounge.

 

“Hello,” he said tentatively to the kids. They smiled kindly and greeted him in kind, their attentions quickly returning to the show immediately afterward. Dan watched and listened as they commented to one another about what happened on the show in a way Dan didn’t normally see kids do. 

 

He smiled. These kids weren’t in a hypnotic stupor watching TV, they were actively engaging with and thinking about the content they were seeing. This was an unusual sight, in Dan’s experience. These two looked like the type of kids he could actually hang out with, listen to, and be a friend to.

 

Phil returned after a moment. “You’re still standing!” he noted.

 

“Oh, yes, sorry, I didn’t want to disturb the kids.”

 

“Well, they’re going to have to suck it up, I’m afraid…” Phil picked up the TV remote and turned it off. The kids groaned as their father sat down. Dan took this signal to sit as well.

 

“Aw, come on, Dad!” Matthew whined.

 

“‘Come on,’ yourself! We have to interview Dan to see if he’s right for the job.”

 

“Are we your management?” Julie asked Dan.

 

Dan snickered. Oh, she was just  _ precious. _ “I believe so,” he replied.

 

Her face brightened excitedly. “Does that mean you have to do what we say?”

 

“It  _ means, _ ” Phil said, “he has to do what’s best for the family. That means he listens to you  _ only _ if you are listening to me.”

 

Julie scrunched up her face, disappointed her loophole wouldn’t work out.

 

Matthew gave Dan an evaluating look, his head tilted and eyes narrowed. Dan suddenly felt self-conscious and straightened his posture unnaturally. He flicked an unruly curl of his hair away from his forehead, hoping he looked professional and grown-up. For children. Catching his own ridiculous nervousness, he relaxed again, but only slightly.

 

“So,” Phil began. “We went over your qualifications on the phone already, obviously. This is sort of the… ‘does-he-fit-in-with-the-culture-here’ interview.”

 

“Okay,” Dan nodded.

 

“First of all, and this is the most important question so we’re just going to get it out of the way now. Do you like video games?”

 

Dan smiled. “Oh yes, very much. I’ve been playing video games literally my entire life.”

 

“What kind of games do you like?” Matthew asked.

 

“Pretty much anything. I play Skyrim, Halo, Fortnite sort of but I think I prefer PUBG… lots of stuff. I play a lot of things on the Switch, too. Overcooked, Mario Kart, Mario Party… Zelda, of course.” As Dan listed off each game, Matthew’s face seemed to brighten more and more.

 

“Yes!” Matthew said under his breath. Dan chuckled.

 

“Next question,” Phil asked. “Do you like arts and crafts?”

 

“Absolutely,” Dan said. “I’m particularly fond of anything involving glitter.”

 

Julie gasped. “I like him, Dad! Can we keep him?”

 

“Let me finish the interview to find out!” Phil said with a laugh. “Last question. Can you cook?”

 

Dan laughed. “It’s funny, if you’d asked me that when I was still going to university, I’d have broken down in sobs and said no, but these days I’m actually quite proud of my ability to make reasonably decent food. Nothing fancy, but I can at least make spaghetti.”

 

Phil sighed. “Thank goodness. Alright then, kids, your turn to ask whatever questions you can think of!”

 

“If I knitted you a scarf for Christmas would you like it?” Matthew asked.

 

“Definitely,” Dan said. “I love a good scarf. Do you like knitting?”

 

“Yeah. The boys at school don’t like when I knit them things. They think it’s ‘gay.’ I keep trying to tell them traditionally feminine hobbies aren’t necessarily gay but they don’t listen to me.”

 

Dan’s eyes were like saucers listening to Matthew. He was 11 years old and talked like this?

 

“Matthew’s friend Henry is a Hanzo main when they play Overwatch,” Julie said. “He’s stupid.”

 

“Julie, don’t be rude,” Phil said. “We don’t call people Hanzo mains behind their backs.”

 

Dan laughed.

 

“Well if he doesn’t wanna be called a Hanzo main then he shouldn’t call Matty’s scarves gay!”

 

“You make a good point,” Phil said, smiling at Julie.

 

Matthew looked at Dan. “She doesn’t even play Overwatch, you know.”

 

“No but I watch you and I watch people on Twitch. And I read the comics.” Julie looked at Dan. “I like Tracer. She’s cute and she has a girlfriend. Do you have a boyfriend?”

 

“That’s getting personal, Julie,” Phil said. He looked at Dan. “You don’t have to answer that.”

 

Dan smiled warmly. These kids were smart and witty and nerdy and tolerant and Phil was doing such a good job of listening to them while still guiding their behavior. Dan could scarcely believe such a parent existed, and he desperately wanted to babysit these kids. He knew he’d love spending time with them.

 

“It’s fine!” Dan said sweetly. “No, Julie, I don’t have a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend.”

 

“Can I be your girlfriend? You’re very cute.”

 

Dan giggled, shaking his head. “No, I’m sorry, you’re much too young for me.”

 

Julie shrugged. “It’s okay, I wasn’t that into you anyway.”

 

Dan exploded with laughter. This kid was going to be the death of him.

 

“Please,” Dan said to Phil, “ _ please _ tell me I’ve got this job. Your kids are amazing.”

 

Phil smiled. “Well, I’m just the one writing the checks, it’s these guys who’ve got to spend all the time with you. Matty? Julie? What do you guys think?”

 

“I approve,” Matthew said.

 

“Me too!” Julie replied, raising her hand in the air.

 

“Me three,” Phil said. “Welcome to the Lester family home. Shall I show you around then?

 

***

 

“Matthew’s room is to the left,” Phil said, pointing towards a purple and green bedroom littered with game controllers, knitting supplies, and dirty clothes all over the floor. “Julie’s is over here.” Phil pointed to the right. Julie’s bedroom was decorated with number-themed items like wall hangings and bookends, and looked like the color pink puked all over it.

 

Dan followed Phil to the end of the hall for the last stop on the tour. By this point, Dan had learned the layout of the whole house, from the lounge to the kitchen to the dining room to the study where the family’s computer was. The most important room in the house, as far as Dan was concerned.

 

Now, though, Phil was leading him to a large bedroom with a double-bed and ensuite bathroom. It wasn’t hard to figure out what this was, but ever the professional tour guide, Phil stated it plainly anyway.

 

“This is the master bedroom,” Phil explained. “You probably won’t need to tend to it much. Not much happens in here to be honest.” Awkwardly realizing he’d perhaps overshared a bit, Phil tightened his lips shut.

 

“Ah,” Dan said, trying to show that he didn’t feel disturbed by what Phil had said. “I um… I know how that can be.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Phil replied. “Because honestly, the way I’m feeling right now…” He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. “I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

 

Dan followed and sat next to him. Phil nudged himself over slightly to give Dan a comfortable amount of space.

 

Phil felt oddly comfortable talking to Dan. Perhaps because he’d gotten on with the kids so well downstairs, or perhaps because he’d been very engaged and friendly the whole way through the interview process. Or maybe it was just because he was cute -- something Phil had to acknowledge, despite having no intent to act on it. Either way, Dan felt  _ right _ to have around, and Phil was unafraid of judgment when talking to him. He felt the urge to open up. And Dan seemed unperturbed by this, to his credit.

 

“I don’t mean to pry, so feel free not to answer,” Dan said, “but have you seen a marriage counselor or anything?”

 

“No,” Phil said. “I asked if she wanted to, and she seemed open to it, but in the end there just wasn’t the time. And she refused to make time, which honestly hurt more than anything else. Work always comes first with her.”

 

“Before your marriage?” Dan asked, disbelieving.

 

Phil nodded. “To her, yeah.”

 

“I’m so sorry.”

 

Phil shrugged. “I’m sure we’ll get things figured out eventually. Right now, though, my priority is the kids. Normally I’m home by 5:30 or 6, and I never work weekends, but my company has a major project right now and I’m going to need to go into the office on weekends until it’s done. I might even need to work late sometimes as the deadline gets closer. And even my normal work days are going to be insanely busy, so when I get home I know I’m going to be exhausted. I hate that. I really don’t want the kids to feel neglected. Their mother is already almost entirely absent because of her work schedule, and then when she gets home, work is all she talks about. I worry about what that does to them.”

 

A lot of things Dan had observed about the kids were coming into focus now. Their precocious natures, their awareness of things like managers, their vocabulary. They’d learned it all from a mostly-absent mother who talked about work and, in all likelihood, an excessive amount of television and internet.

 

“They’re very lucky to have you,” Dan said. “And I’m not just saying that because you’re my employer. They’re clearly very smart kids, they appear to be very sure of themselves. You’re doing a good job keeping them grounded, from what I’m seeing.”

 

“That really means a lot, hearing you say that. Thank you. I really worry about being there for them enough. I hate the fact that I needed to hire you. No offense, of course.”

 

“None taken,” Dan said. “I mean, sure, some of the parents I’ve worked for are just control freaks who treat me like shit, but... you seem like a really good person.” Dan smiled at him warmly.

 

“Thanks.” Phil smiled back. Dan’s eyes were very, very pretty. He stared into them for longer than was probably appropriate, unable to tear his gaze away.

 

Dan cleared his throat, finally breaking the eye contact for a brief moment. “So… how long do you need me for?”

 

“Oh, um…” Phil blinked and took a breath. “Right now the deadline on my work project is just before Christmas, so about two months from now. But the client will almost certainly have changes and edits and will give us hell for another month at least. It  _ has _ to be ready for air by February, though, so it definitely won’t be longer than that.”

 

Dan hated the idea of this only being a two or even four month long assignment. These kids were just plain cool, and Phil was… nice. Really, really nice.

 

He nodded though. “That works,” he said simply.

 

“So then…” Phil walked Dan back down to the entryway of the house. He handed Dan a key. “I’ve got this made for you so you can get into the house at 3:30 on school days. Matthew gets home from school at 3:45, and Julie gets home at 4:05.”

 

“Hang on,” Dan said, pulling a small notepad out of his pocket. Phil smiled at his preparation. Truly a genuine professional, he thought.

 

He gave Dan time to write down the times before continuing. “Most days, I’ll be home by about 6. You don’t need to have your eye on them that whole time, though. You can take that time to do the housekeeping stuff. They’re normally here on their own in the afternoons. Matty has a phone he can call me with if he needs anything. Julie knows my phone number, too. We wrote a little melody for her to sing my number to so she remembers it. Little trick, music helps her remember  _ anything. _ It’s amazing how well it works. Anyway, the house rules are that the front and back doors stay locked and nobody answers the door without an adult in the house, but you’re there so they can open the door with you around. Um, what else… Oh! I’m lactose intolerant and Julie seems to have inherited it, so never get her a milkshake no matter how much she begs for it unless you want to stay up late cleaning her bed sheets.”

 

“Wow,” Dan said, “gross. Okay.” He finished a note on his notepad and then looked into Phil’s eyes. Those really,  _ really _ pretty eyes.  _ Jesus Christ this is going to be a problem. _ “Anything else?”

 

“This probably won’t be relevant for awhile, but just so you know, you’re free to leave for the night as soon as either I or Olivia get home. If she gets back first, you don’t need to wait for me.”

 

“Okay. What time should I come on weekends?”

 

“Oh! Of course, literally the whole reason I hired you, how did I forget that? We’ll probably need you both Saturday and Sunday, but Olivia might be fine to stay home some Sundays, we’ll have to let you know the week of, unfortunately. I’d say come in at like… 7:30, I think? I’ll probably leave for the office around 7:45, so that should work.”

 

“Sounds good.” Indeed, Dan was somehow transfixed on Phil’s every word. His voice was deep, but clear and full of varied intonation. He was animated without sounding silly. Dan imagined he’d have a very easy time just listening to Phil tell stories and relaxing. He wished he could listen to Phil talk all the time.

 

“Did you have any other questions?” Phil asked.

 

“Not at all.” Dan closed his notepad and returned it to his pocket. “I think I’m about set.”

 

“Alright, I won’t keep you then. It’s Saturday, after all, I’m sure you have… y’know. Something to do.”

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

“I mean, someone your age, good looking… you probably have a date or something, yeah?”

 

“Oh!” Dan laughed a little. “No! No, definitely not. Like I said to Julie earlier, no boyfriend, no girlfriend. I am completely unattached.”

 

“Okay,” Phil said with a little smile. “Good. I mean, not  _ good _ that you’re single-- not that being single is a bad thing! But um... I just mean… you can stay, if you want. For dinner! I mean. Here at, er… at the house. With me. W-- er, m-me and the kids.” Phil shut his mouth tightly before he could embarrass himself any further.

 

Dan found himself blushing slightly at how cute Phil’s awkwardness was to him.  _ He’s your employer, _ Dan reminded himself.  _ Off limits. No. Bad Dan. _ He smiled in as polite and professional manner as he could and put his coat back on. “I should probably get going before it gets too cold, actually.” He and Phil shook hands. “I’ll see you Monday night then?”

 

“Yes,” Phil said. “I’ll see you then. Of course on Monday afternoon if you need anything, feel free to call me.”

 

“I’ll do that. Thank you.”

 

And Dan left the house.

 

Phil watched him walk away for a few moments before closing the door.

 

When he turned around, Julie was stood at the foot of the stairs, already changed into her pyjamas, looking at her father with a curiously tilted head. “You think he’s cute, don’t you, Dad?”

 

Phil narrowed his eyes. “Hush you. Go watch TV!”

 

Julie ran off towards the lounge giggling, definitely ready to gossip to her brother about what she’d seen.

 

***

 

Dan walked into his nice warm flat and sighed, tossing his keys onto the kitchen counter.

 

“Fuck,” he grumbled to himself, wishing he could get Phil’s eyes out of his head.

 

Never, in all his years of housekeeping and sitting, had he ever been so taken by a client and their family. Phil was exactly what he wanted in a future husband. Sweet, awkward, polite, and an  _ excellent  _ parent.

 

And on top of all that, he had to be cute too. Just his fucking luck.

 

Dan tossed his coat over the back of his sofa. He couldn’t be arsed to hang it up on the hook properly. His brain was a whirlwind of daydreams about Phil. He had that giddy butterfly feeling that he always used to have for attractive people in school. He hadn’t felt like this so strongly in nearly half his life.

 

Four months. Four months at the absolute maximum, right? He could totally handle four months working for this guy.

 

This perfect, beautiful, sweet,  _ married _ guy.

 

_ Fuuuuuccckk. _

 

***

 

Phil had still been awake when Olivia got home. She was fast asleep now, and Phil was still staring up at the ceiling trying to relax. It wasn’t easy when the cute new babysitter was taking over his every thought.

 

His hands had been so  _ soft _ ! And his hair had those effortless curls, like he literally rolled out of bed looking like that. His eyes were that clear, glittering brown color that looked like jewelry stuck to his face. And his skin made him look like he was carved out of marble! How was anyone so perfect?

 

Phil looked over toward his sleeping wife.  _ She’s working so hard, _ Phil thought.  _ I could never break her heart by flirting with the new babysitter. I’d be the absolute scum of the earth! _

 

Phil sighed.  _ I’m only lusting after Dan because my own marriage is a bit shaky right now. That’s all. We’ll get our issues worked out. We’ll be okay. _

 

He draped his arm over Olivia’s waist and cuddled up to her, careful not to wake her. He fell asleep, finally, only once he stopped thinking so much.

 

***

 

It wasn’t difficult at all for Dan to get into the swing of things. He arrived just before the kids got home from school and did some simple maintenance cleaning while they did their homework. He fluffed up the sofa cushions, dusted shelves (careful not to break anything), and stacked up papers that were lying around.

 

His phone rang at about 4:30. He knew it was Phil before he even looked at the screen.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey Dan!”

 

“Hello, Mr. L-- uh, Phil, sorry. I’m still so used to being formal with clients.”

 

Phil giggled. The sound of it was like a lullaby hitting Dan’s ear and instantly calming him. “It’s perfectly alright! How’s your first day been?”

 

“Fine! I’ve been doing some cleaning up. The kids are finishing their homework. It’s been a very simple d--”

 

“FIE UPON THEE!” a small voice yelled from the dining room. “YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES!”

 

“Sorry, Phil, hang on,” Dan said, moving the mouthpiece away from his face before calling out to Julie, “What  _ are _ you two doing?”

 

He was ignored, however, and Matthew -- armed with what appeared to be a poster mailing tube which matched one held by his sister -- continued their repartee. “I WOULD WILLINGLY DIE FOR MY PEOPLE!”

 

“THEN PERISH!” Julie’s adorable fake-growl rang out.

 

The children bashed their poster tubes together in a theatrical swordfight across the dining room. Dan tried not to laugh lest he encourage this behavior.

 

“Excuse me!” he said more loudly. The children paused and looked his way. “I am on the phone with your father. Do you want him to know you’re not doing your homework?”

 

The children looked guilty for precisely three seconds before dropping the poster tubes where they stood and retaking their seats at the table. Their eyes hit the unfinished work on the table, and Dan smiled and shook his head. “Sorry about that,” he said to Phil, returning to the lounge where he could speak on the phone in peace should the kids decide to resume their imaginary swordfight.

 

Phil was cracking up on the other end of the line. “Sorry, I should have known they’d be like that the first day! Trying to test their limits with you, no doubt.”

 

“With my advance apologies, I have to admit I’m one of those ‘nice’ babysitters who’ll let them do whatever they want as long as they don’t break anything.”

 

“Oh dear, what am I in for?” Phil laughed.

 

“Nerf darts found behind furniture for months, I’m afraid.”

 

“No nerf battles in the house without me! New house rule.”

 

“Sounds like a deal.”

 

“Anyway, I just wanted to check everything was okay. I’m going to be late getting home, They decided to schedule a meeting at 5 o’clock! Do you believe that?”

 

“Ew,” Dan said with a sympathetic sneer. “I’m sorry.”

 

“I’ll be fine. In any case, I’ll be just a  _ tiny _ bit late, but I should still be home for dinner, so you don’t need to worry about it this time.”

 

“Alright, if you insist. I’ll see you when you get here, then?”

 

“Yep, see you then.”

 

“Bye!”

 

“Bye.”

 

***

 

Phil got home much, much later than he expected too. He nervously parked the car, biting his lip as he looked up at the house, feeling like a terrible boss and, more importantly, a terrible father. He didn’t want to leave a bad impression on Dan his first day, and he hoped the kids wouldn’t be mad at him.

 

When he got inside, Dan was laying on his stomach on the lounge floor with the kids, who were in their pyjamas. Adventure Time was playing on the television, and blankets and cushions were strewn about in what was probably a long-collapsed fort of some kind. Phil smiled.

 

“Hey there,” he said.

 

In what appeared to be slow motion, Dan turned his head to look over his shoulder, smiled at Phil, and exhaled calmly. “Welcome home,” he said.

 

“Dad!” Julie said, hopping up and jumping into Phil’s arms.

 

“What are you two still doing awake? It’s 9:05!”

 

“Whoops,” Dan said. “You two better get off to bed.”

 

“Okay,” the kids grumbled.

 

Phil gave Julie a kiss on the cheek and put her down. The kids both scampered off to bed, calling out their “goodnights” before heading upstairs and disappearing into their respective bedrooms. Meanwhile, Dan stood up and started folding up the mess of blankets. Once the kids were gone and the mess was sorted, he walked up to Phil.

 

“I made them stir fry for dinner,” he said, a polite and understanding smile on his face.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Phil said. “The meeting just kept going on and on, and I just felt worse and worse, and…”

 

“It’s perfectly fine! Like I said, they’re fed. I even made sure they brushed their teeth. We were having fun watching tv until  _ you _ decided to come break up the party.”

 

“You really went above and beyond,” Phil said, shaking his head, looking around at how clean the house was and glancing back towards the stairs.

 

“There are leftovers in the fridge for you and Mrs. Lester, too. I wasn’t sure when you’d be back, so.”

 

At the sound of his wife’s salutation and surname, Phil flinched a bit, as though reality had snapped its fingers right in front of his face. “Oh, thank you. I’m sure it’s delicious.”

 

“Did you need me for anything else tonight then?”

 

“No, thank you.”

 

And, with that, Dan and Phil said their goodbyes for the evening, and Dan went home.

 

***

 

Phil’s schedule was much more predictable the rest of the week. He had another late meeting on Thursday that, luckily, he knew about by Wednesday morning, but nothing else until Friday.

 

Looking at the Premiere timeline and task list in front of him, Phil begrudgingly sighed and called Dan, letting him know he’d need to work late to avoid having to come in over the weekend. Dan understood and thanked him for letting him know.

 

When he got home late this time, he was much, much later than 9:05. He pulled up to the house and lights were mostly off aside from the dim blue flash of the lounge television.

 

He got inside, expecting to see Dan and the kids in another wrecked blanket fort. Instead, he saw a brown-haired boy, mouth hanging open, fast asleep. He chuckled under his breath. The fleece blankets they kept in the lounge were in a nice stack on the floor by the sofa, so he pulled one over Dan and covered him up. He took the remote control, hanging precariously from Dan’s hand, and turned off the television.

 

Phil looked at Dan, the young man who’d become like an honorary member of the family over the last week, and smiled. With Dan here, Phil hadn’t needed to worry about anything. With Dan here, he knew the kids were safe and fed and their homework was done and they’d had fun. Phil appreciated his help and presence more than he ever imagined he would. 

 

The temptation was there to brush that one unruly curl of hair off Dan’s forehead, but he opted not to. He didn’t want to be that creepy client. He had to admit, though, that Dan was more beautiful than any piece of decor in their entire house.

 

***

 

Dan awoke with a start on the unfamiliar sofa. He looked at his phone. 7:45 AM, and his battery was at 12%.

 

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath. He sighed and let his hand, phone and all, flop down onto his chest. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and put the effort in to sit up straight. No one was awake yet. He wasn’t sure what to do in other people’s homes when he’d slept over and no one was awake. It was always awkward for him. However, here, he felt comfortable enough with the house and family that he thought he should just go ahead and make breakfast for everyone.

 

It wasn’t long after Dan had dipped the first slice of bread into the mixture of egg, non-dairy milk, and cinnamon that Phil appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

 

“It was the smell, wasn’t it?” Dan asked with a smirk.

 

“I have to admit, there’s not much else that would get me out of bed on Saturday morning during a single-digit hour.”

 

Dan chuckled. “I hope you don’t mind that I went ahead and just… ‘know… started making breakfast without asking.”

 

“No, not at all,” Phil replied. “I do feel kind of bad though.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because you’re already working. To be honest, I could use your help today if you’re able. Olivia’s at a conference this weekend, and there is so much to do.”

 

“Come on, Phil, you know that’s what I’m here for,” Dan said cheerfully, happier than he’d care to admit that Olivia was going to be gone today. Her relative absence had given her a mystique of sorts and made her intimidating despite her kind demeanor when they’d briefly spoken on Tuesday and Wednesday.

 

The kids were down shortly after, to Phil’s shock.

 

“I  _ knew _ it was French toast!” Julie exclaimed. “Pay up, bucko!” She held a hand out for her brother, who slapped a one pound note into it.

 

“Nuh-uh,” Phil said. “No betting until you’re of age.”

 

Julie pouted and shoved the note back to Matthew’s hand.

 

“We’ve had issues with Julie using her surprisingly advanced maths knowledge to… acquire lunch and allowance money from other children at school,” Phil muttered to Dan by way of explanation.

 

“Ah,” Dan replied quietly, his elevated eyebrows showing his amusement.

 

“What are you still doing here?” Matthew asked Dan, his tone somewhat suspicious.

 

“Fell asleep watching telly,” Dan answered. “Your dad was kind enough to give me a blanket, from the look of things. Thank you, by the way,” he said to Phil.

 

“Don’t mention it,” Phil replied with a smile. “I wasn’t about to wake you, you looked so peaceful.”

 

Julie’s eyebrows were slightly raised as she looked at her brother. Matthew rolled his eyes and made a gag motion with his finger. Julie giggled.

 

“You want some coffee?” Phil asked. “I’ve only got instant, if that’s okay. If not, there’s plenty of juice. We have like four different kinds. Matty, can you get juice glasses out for everyone?”

 

“Oh, no no no, coffee’s fine,” Dan said. “Instant or no, caffeine is caffeine!”

 

“A man after my own heart,” Phil said.

 

“So am I getting glasses or no?” Matthew asked.

 

“Just for you and your sister, please.”

 

“Speaking of energy,” Dan suddenly said, “you wouldn’t happen to have an iPhone charger I can use, would you?”

 

The four of them ate breakfast together for the first time that morning, and certainly not for the last. Dan relaxed quickly, feeling like he’d been part of the family for years. So when Phil asked him to help with some heavy housecleaning, he had no problem saying yes.

 

With how busy Phil and Olivia had been over the last year, the darker nooks and crannies of the house had collected more dust and dirt than they ordinarily would have. Julie’s room had even begun to smell (“What did I tell you about eating in your room?” “Not to.” “Then why are there sweets wrappers under your bed?” Julie only replied to that with a shrug. Dan laughed. Phil glared. Dan tried to hold it in. It didn’t work). Dan dutifully helped Phil dust shelves and decor, clean fingerprint smudges from around doorknobs, wash the linens, mop the hard floors, and wipe down every surface in the house whether vertical or horizontal.

 

By the end of the day Saturday, Dan and Phil were exhausted. They flopped down on either side of the L-shaped sofa in the lounge, letting their faces get hilariously squished into the cushions.

 

“Imagine,” Phil said, “if the kids had been outside this whole time…”

 

“Don’t say it,” Dan said. “Don’t you even fucking say it.”

 

“...and they had come inside and tracked dirt onto the nice clean floor just as we finished.”

 

“Nooooo!” Dan cried.

 

“Thank God for Poptropica, am I right?”

 

“You are,” Dan said. “You are right.”

 

“Remember when we were kids,” Phil said, “and our parents yelled at us for not going outside enough? ‘Cause we were playing, like… Crash Bandicoot instead and couldn’t be bothered?”

 

Dan laughed, a sound that rang out from his gut and surrounded him like an aura of joyful nostalgia. “Yes!” He said. “What were they thinking?”

 

“Right?”

 

They laughed together for a few minutes, glancing at one another from either corner of the sofa. The laughter calmed, and their eyes stayed locked on each other.

 

“At the risk of sounding, like… super weird,” Phil said, “you have really pretty eyes and I wish I had them. They’re so much nicer than mine.”

 

“Oh god,” Dan said, blushing and hiding his face in the sofa cushions. “I do not have pretty eyes. I mean, they’re just...  _ brown _ .”

 

“Yeah but they’re pretty brown. They sparkle. Kinda.”

 

Dan turned his head to look at Phil again. “Are you— you know what, never mind.”

 

“Am I what?”

 

“No, really, it’s such a stupid question, I’m just… I’m being stupid.”

 

Phil lifted his head. “No really, what is it?”

 

Dan inhaled. “Were you flirting with me just then? I mean, probably not, I always read too much into things. You’re married, I’m just being stupid…”

 

“I’m not happily married, to be fair.”

 

“Still,” Dan said. “You seem like a really nice guy, you don’t seem like someone who’d flirt when you’re still married.”

 

“I mean… Look, I’m saying this 100% honestly, not intended as actual flirting, but if I were single I’d be flirting with you constantly.” Phil, knowing how that sounded, nervously rattled off a justification for himself. “I’m only saying that because I don’t want you to think what you seem to think about yourself, which is, y‘know, that you’re not dateable or not flirtable… with…? Is that a word? I don’t think so but anyway, you’re attractive. You’re an attractive person. So. Yeah.” Phil cleared his throat.

 

Dan wanted so badly to be offended, but he really liked Phil. Phil made him feel so at home, and they got along so well. So in spite of himself, he giggled. “Is that so?” He asked.

 

“Um… yes.”

 

There was a pause that was only as awkward as one would expect and no more. Dan sat up. “I should get going, then.” He stood from the sofa and began heading towards the front door.

 

“Oh sh— wait— oof!” Phil rushed to stand up from the sofa and catch Dan to stop him from leaving, but tripped over his own feet. Hearing Phil’s struggle behind him, Dan had turned around. Phil fell against him, knocking them both to the floor facing each other.

 

“Um…” Dan said quietly, Phil’s face just inches from his. “You okay there, mate?”

 

Phil nodded. “Uh-huh.”

 

“My uh… my butt hurts,” Dan said, wincing.

 

“Uh… That’s… what he said?” Phil quipped nervously.

 

After a second during which Phil was unable to breathe from the tension, Dan snorted out a laugh. “Get off me, you spoon.”

 

Phil nodded and reluctantly stood up. “Sorry about that,” he said, extending a hand to help Dan up. “Accidentally tackling you, I mean.”

 

“It’s okay,” Dan said, dusting himself off. “I mean… I guess I should be honored that you apparently want to keep me here.” He chuckled, trying very hard to make this tension go away. It wasn’t working.

 

“I mean… you really are welcome to stay,” Phil said in a quiet voice that would have been pathetic if it weren’t so endearing. And oddly sexy.

 

Dan opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t think of an appropriate response. He wanted to stay, absolutely. And not just tonight. He wanted to stay all day tomorrow too. Maybe longer. He felt so much more at home here than his own sparse, lonely, kidless, Philless flat. But Phil was his client, and he was married. Unhappily, perhaps, but still married. The tingle Dan was feeling in his gut was best ignored and pushed away. Wait, had Phil stepped closer to him?

 

Just then, as though the universe wanted to make Dan’s nightmare even worse, Matthew walked by the lounge door. “Get a room, you two,” he said.

 

“Matty!” Phil’s eyes widened. “We were just… um.”

 

“Practically making out?” Matthew continued toward the kitchen and got a glass out of the cupboard for some water.

 

“No, it… we… I was just about to leave actually,” Dan said, trying to figure out why he felt like he’d been caught stealing biscuits when he literally hadn’t been doing anything wrong.

 

Phil’s eyes widened slightly upon the realization that he’d tripped and fallen onto Dan for no reason. “You really don’t have to,” he pleaded.

 

Dan sighed. “I think I do, actually.” He looked at Phil and headed for the coat closet where his jacket was. “Where are my keys,” he muttered.

 

Matthew stood in the kitchen, drinking his water and watching his father desperately dream up an excuse for Dan to stay. For Phil’s sake, he didn’t want Dan to leave either.

 

“Dad, why don’t you show him the PSVR?” He said suddenly. Dan and Phil both froze. Phil smiled.

 

“Yeah… y-yeah! Dan, have you seen it? It’s kind of wasted on me because I get motion sickness, but I have Doom, I have Skyrim, I ha—“

 

“Wait, you have Skyrim VR?” Dan said, a wistful and dreamy look in his eyes. “Skyrim is like… one of my favorite games and I’ve really wanted to try the VR version of it. You… you wouldn’t mind, would you?”

 

“Welp, you guys have fun,” Matthew said, having just finished the last sip of his water. He put it in the top rack of the dishwasher. “I’m going to bed a bit early. Goodnight, Dad! Goodnight, Dan. Will you still be here tomorrow?”

 

Dan looked at Phil and shrugged. “Depends on what your Dad says.”

 

“We’ll see,” Phil said to Matthew. “Get to bed, I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

“Alright. Goodnight!”

 

“Goodnight,” Dan and Phil both said to Matthew.

 

“So…” Dan started. “Would you mind letting me try Skyrim VR, then?”

 

***

 

“Julie!” Matthew hissed. “Julie you’ll never guess what I saw!”

 

“What?” Julie said, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

 

“Dad and Dan were about to kiss!”

 

Julie’s eyes brightened right back up. “What?” Her mouth opened excitedly. “I knew they liked each other! But… what do we do? We gotta get them together!”

 

“What can we do though? Dad and Mum are still married. If Dad and Dan went out on a date, that would be cheating.”

 

“But Dad and Mum aren’t in love. I think Dad’s in love with Dan and love is important! He should be with Dan.”

 

“Well, okay, if, hypothetically—“

 

“What’s hyper-thetickly mean?”

 

“It means you gotta imagine it, like it’s a story. So okay, hypothetically if we were to get Dad and Dan together, how could we do that?”

 

“Well, I think Dad needs to friendzone Mum first.”

 

“You mean divorce?”

 

Julie shrugged and smiled a tiny, mischievous smile. “Whatever!”

 

***

 

“Oh my god!” Dan yelled, his in-game avatar shooting arrows as fast as he could move his hands.

 

Phil laughed. “Dan, it’s midnight! Shut up!”

 

“You fight these stupid things and see if you can shut u—OH HOLY SSSHHH—“

 

Dan finally finished fighting off the skeletons that had surrounded him and was looting what he could when Phil got the bright idea to poke Dan’s neck.

 

“WHAT THE FFF— Phil! You snake. That scared the shit out of me!”

 

Phil was laughing and eventually Dan was too.

 

“I am gonna get you for that,” Dan said. “When you least expect it. I’m gonna strike. You watch your back. Always be prepared.”

 

“Right,” Phil said. “Time for another break? You seem a bit wound up.”

 

“I’ll wind your mum up.”

 

“Hey!” Phil whined, smacking Dan on the arm.

 

“Ow! You’re the actual worst.” Dan headed to the menu to save and quit out of the game. He removed the headset and set it on the sofa beside him. “I think I should stop for the night. It is really late and if I stay in the VR world too long I won’t be able to drive home.”

 

“Yeah, I guess I should let you go. Your neighbours are gonna wonder if you’ve gone missing.”

 

Dan gave a bittersweet smile. “Nah, I don’t really know my neighbours. I left for like a week and a half once and they didn’t notice a thing. Or maybe they did and I don’t know, since we barely speak.”

 

“Why don’t you speak to your neighbours?”

 

“Why do people talk to their neighbours, is the question. Most people are just exhausting to me.”

 

“Not all, though, surely.”

 

“Well no, obviously not. I mean I like  _ you. _ ”

 

Phil smiled. “I think Matty has some thoughts on what sort of ‘like’ you mean there.”

 

Dan smiled back. “Yeah, imagine. That’d be a disaster, wouldn’t it?”

 

“I know, right?”

 

Phil cleared his throat. “Did you want some coffee before you go? Just so it’s a safer drive home.”

 

“Yeah, um… I dunno, I’m still feeling a bit dizzy from being back in reality again.”

 

“That er… that’s understandable. A few more minutes then?”

 

“Yeah, just a few.”

 

Dan and Phil sat next to each other on the sofa. Dan was feeling less dizzy now, but more queasy, and he wasn’t sure why. He didn’t usually get motion sickness from things like VR, after all...

 

“Can I, um… Can I just rest my head on you for a bit?” he asked Phil.

 

“S—sure,” Phil answered nervously.

 

And thus, Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder for a few minutes. About 400 of them, to be precise.

 

 


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan's time with the Lesters from Halloween through the Christmas season.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look! I updated!
> 
> More Wingless Angel is coming, of course, but I finished this first so it gets the upload. I also messed with the outline so it's only in four parts, not five, but honestly I think it's better this way. Parts 3 and 4 will be shorter than 1 and 2, also, but just as good (I think).
> 
> Enjoy! :D

When Dan woke up with a crick in his neck just before 7 o’clock in the morning, he wasn’t startled or nervous; merely amused. He quietly laughed at himself for accidentally staying at the Lesters’ overnight twice in a row.

 

“I’m such a mess,” he muttered under his breath, smiling and shaking his head.

 

“Hm?” Phil hummed, stretching out like an awkward cat and making Dan smile even more widely.

 

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Dan asked.

 

“Not directly,” Phil mumbled. “I think the fact that I’m sitting up on the sofa might’ve, though.”

 

Dan giggled and started sitting up properly. He groaned. “I should probably go before the kids wake up and see us all snuggled up like this, huh?”

 

“Too late!” said a tiny, adorable voice.

 

Dan and Phil turned their heads to the lounge doorway to see two curious, snickering children.

 

Julie was all smiles while she looked at Dan, twisting her body side to side as though the excited energy in her body was trying to break out. “Do you like my Dad?” she asked playfully.

 

Matthew, arms folded confidently, rocked his chin upward and smirked. His tone was all playfulness and gossip. “Yeah,  _ Daniel Howell _ — if that’s even your real name!” 

 

“Matty,” Phil said, amused, rolling his eyes a mere instant after attempting to roll them at his son.

 

“Just what are your intentions with our Dad?” Matthew asked, all mirth and smiles, knowing his Dad was being made happy by the new babysitter.

 

Dan stammered as he replied, looking at Phil and the kids. “I don’t-- well, I mean-- I— well he’s just very nice to me! That’s all. He’s just... nice.”

 

“We see you a good sight more than we see our mum, is all I’m saying.”

 

“Matthew,” Phil said with his best proper Dad tone, a sharp contrast from his use of his son’s nickname moments earlier. “Come on.”

 

Matthew just shrugged. “It’s true.”

 

“I really should go,” Dan said. “It sounds like you and the kids need to have a chat.”

 

Phil wanted to stop him, but he had to agree that it was probably best if Dan took his leave. “Yeah,” he finally said.

 

Phil got Dan his jacket and escorted him out to his car. He waved goodbye as Dan left, sad to go back inside to a house that, despite having two other people in it, would now feel quite empty indeed.

 

He invited the children to sit at the table with him so they could talk. The kids sat smiling on one side of the table, and Phil stared them down from the other side, his hands folded on the table in front of him.

 

“Alright,” he said, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. “What are you guys up to?”

 

“Nothing!” they said in unison.

 

“Uh-huh,” Phil said skeptically.

 

“It’s come to our attention,” Matthew explained, “that the way things currently are... is not as they should be.”

 

“Mm-hmm,” Julie said, nodding.

 

“What?” Phil asked, quite confused indeed.

 

“You should divorce Mum and be with Dan instead,” Matthew stated, as though it were the simplest most obvious fact in the universe. “Dan likes you more.”

 

“What!?” Phil’s face contorted in disbelief and confusion. “I love your Mum very much! Besides, it’s ridiculous for me to leave your Mum for someone I’ve only known a week. That’s not how love works in the grown-up world.”

 

The kids looked at each other guiltily. Matthew winked at Julie with the eye Phil couldn’t see, and Julie pouted sweetly at her father.

 

“It’s just that Dan seems to make you so happy,” she said. “And he makes us happy too.”

 

Phil sighed, taken in easily by Julie’s adorably sad face. “I know. But your mum works really hard to give us this house and the nice toys you guys have. Honestly, there’s no way we could afford all the game systems and the fastest internet unless your mum was helping us pay for it. And she wants you guys to have the best. She might not be able to show it very well, but I promise, she loves you.”

 

To Phil’s shock, the children barely flinched at that.

 

“We know she loves us,” Matthew asked, unfazed. “Does she love  _ you _ ?”

 

“That’s not a polite question, Matty,” Phil said by way of a reply.

 

“Maybe not,” Matthew continued. “But it’s the most important question when it comes to your relationship. From our view, it seems like you’re only with Mum for our sake. But it’s not making us happy, because  _ you _ aren’t happy.” 

 

“Just think, you could be with Dan instead and  _ he _ can be our mum!” Julie chimed in excitedly.

 

“Julie… first of all, only your mum will ever be your mum. Secondly, I like Dan very much, I promise, but there’s nothing romantic there. It’s… much too soon for that.”

 

“We’ll wait!” Julie said, her unerring optimism making even Phil himself snicker and blush ever so slightly.

 

“Well you’ll have to wait a bloody long time, okay?” he replied, his smile betraying how sweet the idea was to him.

 

Matthew smirked. “We’ll see about that.”

 

***

 

Halloween was a few days later, and the Lesters lived in a neighborhood that took Halloween festivities quite seriously. Children in fancy dress marched on parade to trick-or-treat (passing over the doors with an A4 poster saying “Sorry, no candy!” on them), collecting just enough candy to make them properly ill and no more.

 

Olivia was home, but she had sequestered herself in the study to finish some late e-mail answering that, according to her, was vitally important to finish before the new month started the next day. This being the first time she lived in a neighborhood where Halloween was celebrated and not written off as a cheap American thing, she hadn’t even thought about trick-or-treating until Julie and Matthew emerged from their rooms dressed as a pink Pac-Man ghost and an astronaut respectively.

 

She’d sighed, feeling foolish and inadequate for forgetting, and then asked Dan if he’d mind terribly taking the children out with Phil in her stead. Dan, of course, readily agreed.

 

The children walked a few paces ahead of Dan and Phil the whole time, bragging about treats they’d managed to fish from mixed buckets and pointing excitedly at interestingly carved jack-o’-lanterns.

 

“The kids’ costumes turned out great, didn’t they?” Dan said.

 

“They did! I have no idea where they found the time to make them, but they did a good job.”

 

“They’ve been working on them all week, actually.”

 

“Really?”

 

Dan nodded.

 

Phil looked sad. “I feel like I’m missing so much,” he said. “I can’t wait for this assignment to be over. I don’t know how Olivia does it, working this much all the time. I miss my kids so badly and it’s only been two weeks!”

 

“I know what you mean. If they were my kids, I’d miss them too. I’m honestly quite sad this is only a temporary job. I hope you don’t mind if I keep in touch after it’s over.”

 

Phil smiled fondly. “Not at all. I hope you do, actually.”

 

Dan smiled back.

 

They stopped at the next house, and the kids marched up to the door while Dan and Phil stayed on the pavement close to the street. Suddenly, a prop scarecrow — or what had appeared to be one — jumped up from where it was seated and yelled “boo!” Into Julie’s face.

 

Julie screamed and froze in place, and Dan immediately dashed toward her while Phil watched wide-eyed for a moment before following.

 

“Julie, are you alright?” Dan asked, lifting the pink sheet up so he could see her face and she could breathe a bit easier.

 

Julie nodded, tears streaming down her reddened cheeks, and sniffled loudly.

 

“I’m sorry!” the scarecrow pleaded nervously. “I am so sorry, I didn’t realize it would scare her so much. The other kids liked it, I’m sorry! Oh god, is she okay?”

 

“Oi, back off!” Dan snapped in a moment of parental panic.

 

Julie sniffled and shook her head. “Don’t get mad at him, Dan,” she gasped between sobs. “I’m okay, really I am.” 

 

Dan gave her a hug and stroked the back of her head.

 

Matthew turned his attention to the scarecrow. “Sorry my sister got scared. You should probably stop doing that though. Just in case.”

 

“Yeah,” the scarecrow agreed.

 

Dan leaned back to take another look at Julie, who had calmed down considerably. He wiped the last remnants of tears off her cheeks. “Look at you,” he said. “Got through a pretty big scare just then, didn’t you?”

 

Julie smiled a tiny smile, proud of herself for recovering, and nodded.

 

“Here,” Matthew said, handing Julie a handful of candy from the bowl at the house.

 

“Thanks Matty,” Julie sniffed.

 

Phil watched all of this occurring, unable to figure out what to do exactly. Dan and Matthew had done a good job calming Julie and telling off the scarecrow, who seemed sincerely regretful about scaring the poor girl. So, as Dan and the kids left the front porch where the incident went down, Phil awkwardly gave the scarecrow some finger-guns and said “Good job being properly scary, though, yeah?”

 

“Phil, come on,” Dan said, rolling his eyes.

 

“Uh, thanks,” the scarecrow awkwardly replied. Then he called to Dan and Phil as they walked away, “You guys have really cute kids! Sorry again!”

 

***

 

Dan stayed by Julie’s side until they all got home. Olivia emerged from the study as they all filed into the house.

 

“Hey guys!” She said. “Did you all have f— oh my gosh, Julie, are you alright?”

 

Julie was still a bit visibly shaken up by the scarecrow incident, but she nodded. “I’m okay! I got scared, but Matty gave me candy and Dan calmed me down so I’m fine.”

 

“She got startled by a guy dressed as a scarecrow who jumped out at her,” Dan explained.

 

“He was really apologetic about the whole thing,” Phil continued. “Matty wisely advised him to maybe not do that anymore.”

 

“Yeah,” Matthew added. “At least they had good sweets!”

 

With that, Julie chuckled.

 

“Well that was certainly irresponsible of him,” Olivia said to her daughter, “but I’m glad you’re alright and you’re not hurt or anything.”

 

“Okay, kids, hand me your spoils for the evening and head upstairs,” Dan said, putting his hand out. “I do believe it’s about time for you to get ready for bed.”

 

“Okay,” Matthew said, handing over his candy while his sister did the same. “Don’t leave yet though! I want to say bye before you go.”

 

Dan smiled, feeling very loved indeed. “I promise I won’t go anywhere until you’re back down in your PJs —  _ with _ brushed teeth!”

 

“Okay!” Matthew called as he and Julie headed upstairs. Julie tripped a bit over her pink ghost sheet, but recovered quickly, as Dan expected she would.

 

“Thanks for taking them out,” Olivia said to him.

 

“It’s no trouble at all. As I’ve told Phil many times, they’re great kids.”

 

“Dan even did most of the cheering up when Julie got scared,” Phil said. “Rushed right over to her side to make sure she was okay. I actually felt a bit inadequate right then.”

 

“Don’t be silly, Phil,” Olivia said. “There’s no one on earth who loves those kids more than you do. There’s no shame in needing some help picking up the slack.”

 

Phil nodded.

 

“You’re a really good dad, Phil,” Dan agreed.

 

“Thanks guys,” Phil said with a sigh, not quite believing he was as good a dad as they said. “Here,” he said to Dan, “I’ll take those to the kitchen.”

 

Dan thanked him and handed him the candy.

 

“I’m sorry I’m not around much,” Olivia said to Dan. “We’ve spoken a grand total of ten minutes since you were hired!”

 

Dan chuckled. “Don’t worry about it! Phil’s told me about your job. It sounds like it can be pretty hectic.”

 

“It really can. It’s like being on call every hour of every day. I can feel my soul slowly getting sucked out through my ears some days, I swear!”

 

“I’m sure it’s rewarding though.”

 

“Oh very much. There’s nothing quite like hearing a prospect calling to let you know that you got them a job. The delight in their voice is exhilarating, it really is.”

 

“Yeah, knowing you’ve gotten a job, especially when it’s the perfect one… it really does make you feel good. Valuable.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“Do you miss the kids?”

 

Olivia gave a sad smile. “All the time. I’m the only liaison to a few major companies though, so I end up working all the time. It kills me, honestly. I keep telling my boss he needs to hire someone else, that I can’t work these hours, but… it’s like pulling teeth.”

 

“I’m so sorry,” Dan said. “Keep trying though. You’ll convince him eventually.”

 

Olivia sighed, looking guilty. “Yeah. Eventually.”

 

Just as Phil re-emerged (suspiciously chewing, at which Dan playfully glared), the children stomped hurriedly down the stairs in their pajamas, faces freshly washed and breath minty fresh.

 

“There you guys are,” Dan said happily. “Give me hugs before I go!”

 

Julie leapt up into Dan’s arms and kissed his cheek. “Bye-bye, Dan!”

 

“Bye Julie, sleep well, kiddo.” He put Julie down and knelt down to hug Matthew, who was far too big to be picked up at this point.

 

“Bye, Dan!”

 

“Goodnight, Matty. I’ll see you guys after school tomorrow!”

 

The kids said their good nights to their mother and father, and then headed upstairs, Julie playfully singing an improvised “Bye, goodbye, g‘bye g’bye goooood-byyyyye!” song as she headed off. Dan smiled and shook his head.

 

“You guys have raised a couple of brilliant kids, you know that?”

 

“Thank you,” Olivia said warmly. “I don’t know about ‘you guys,’ though. It’s Phil who raised them. I just bring in money really.”

 

“Don’t do that to yourself, Liv,” Phil said. “You’re a good mum too.”

 

“Thanks,” Olivia replied perfunctorily, knowing Phil was only trying to make her feel better but still wishing she could be more of a proper mother. After this moment of quiet reflection, she breathed in and squared her shoulders. “With that said, back to the e-mails with me.”

 

“Alright,” Phil said. “When do you think you’ll be in to bed?”

 

“I don’t know. Eleven, maybe? I need more sleep, so I’m at least going to  _ try _ for eleven.”

 

“Okay.” Phil smiled and kissed his wife, a short and chaste but very sweet kiss on the mouth, before she headed back into the study and closed the door behind her.

 

Dan couldn’t help but see the look in Phil’s eyes as he watched the door close. He could only pinpoint it as vaguely sad; whether he was missing his wife, sad that she felt like a bad mother, or mourning the slow death of his marriage, he couldn’t tell. Perhaps it was all three.

 

“Probably time for me to head home now,” Dan finally said.

 

Phil finally looked at Dan and nodded. He forced a smile. “Yeah. Thanks for coming out with me and the kids tonight. They really adore you, I know it meant a lot to them.”

 

Dan smiled brightly. “It was my honor. Er… Thank you, by the way.”

 

“What for?”

 

“Over the last couple of weeks I’ve really felt like… like I’m part of your family. I haven’t felt like part of a family in a long time. My parents still live back in my old hometown, and I don’t get to see them often. Travel’s been too expensive for a dropout who babysits for a living, you know?”

 

Phil nodded sympathetically. “I hope you get to see them sometime soon.”

 

“Me too. Anyway, I’ll head out. Make sure the kids leave me some Maltesers, yeah?”

 

Phil laughed. “Absolutely.”

 

Dan smiled and waved as he headed out the front door, not turning his back on Phil until the very last second.

 

***

 

Dan ended up celebrating Guy Fawkes night with the Lesters as well. They weren’t all that interested in lighting a massive fire of any sort -- safety concerns, of course -- but their back garden had a stone fire pit that they gathered around. After the kids went to bed, the grown-ups all drank together around the fire, laughing and chatting like old friends until it became too chilly to stay outside. They took their merriment indoors for a game of Cards Against Humanity, which had them laughing until their faces and bellies ached. 

 

Phil was quite thankful Olivia was able to join in the festivities. He’d forgotten how funny she was. Dan’s heart ached to see the light in Phil’s eyes whenever he looked at her. He clearly missed her, and really did love her.

 

And so, when Dan finally got home very late that night, he threw himself onto his bed and wept.

 

He hadn’t even noticed, but he’d fallen in love with Phil Lester completely and entirely. And Phil would never do a silly thing like leave the wife he loved for him.

 

***

 

Matthew and Julie were the brightest, happiest spot in Dan’s life for the next month. He helped Matthew with his English homework and Julie with her spelling. Julie was a better help to Matt when it came to his mathematics homework than Dan could have ever hoped to be, much to Dan’s simultaneous embarrassment and amusement. Once homework was done, they would play games or watch cartoons, or occasionally engage in some pretend play with cardboard tube swords and costumes made from whatever was in the children’s wardrobes and happened to be the right color. The children distracted Dan from all the miseries of the grown-up world, and he was immensely thankful.

 

Not that it was all play and no work; after all, Dan did have a duty to keep the house clean. Unfortunately, poor Julie would sit on her bed or floor and cry in a panic when she was told to clean her room. Dan tried everything he could think of to motivate her -- several reward systems, a to-do checklist -- but none of it worked. After ages of trial and error, he learned that as long as she only had to work one surface or one corner at a time, she didn’t freak out about how much there was to be done and she felt more proud of herself when she did complete one area. Using a system of cleaning only one area a day, her room stayed consistently clean, even under the bed. Soon enough, she was cleaning up after herself without being asked so each area of her room would be less work when its day came. Phil was mystified by this, and called Dan a miracle worker.

 

***

 

Soon, December had arrived. The season in which the entire world was covered in tinsel, jingle bell sounds could be heard everywhere, and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” was played incessantly on the radio snuck up on them so quickly it nearly gave Dan and Phil whiplash.

 

Dan helped the kids with handcrafted gifts for their parents. Not that they needed his help, however -- Matthew especially knew more about knitting than Dan did and was able to fend for himself fairly easily when making his mother’s socks and father’s beanie. Julie’s gifts were very simple - decorative wooden numbers covered in glitter, which Dan had more fun helping with than he’d ever readily admit.

 

Phil, however, was not particularly talented at homemade gifts.

 

**Phil Lester  
** Hey Dan! I know technically you’re off today, but do you mind coming with me to go shopping for Matt & Julie?  
I figure you know them well enough that you can help me pick things out for them.

 

**Dan Howell  
** sure! give me an hour to get ready to leave

 

**Phil Lester  
** Thank you so much!! I’ll see you in an hour. :) :D :P :O :DDD

 

**Dan Howell**  
i'm not gonna even ask about the emojis lol

 

Phil pulled up to Dan’s flat, where Dan was already waiting eagerly on the pavement. Phil smiled. Dan looked adorable all bundled up in his big coat, bouncing on the balls of his feet — whether to warm up or out of excitement, that didn’t matter. Phil thought he was adorable either way.

 

Dan let himself into the passenger’s side of the car and they headed over to a nearby department store. As they walked around the store looking for gifts for the kids, they chatted casually and made each other laugh.

 

“So what are your plans for Christmas?” Phil asked. “Oh — I’m sorry, I shouldn’t presume… do you celebrate Christmas?”

 

“I do, yes,” Dan said with a smile. “No plans though. I’ve bought gifts for my family and sent them, but I still can’t afford to go visit them this year.”

 

“‘Still’?”

 

“Yeah…” Dan sounded reluctant to elaborate. “I told you once before that I don’t visit home very much, yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“The truth is… I haven’t really been able to visit home in a while. I haven’t been back home at all in nearly two years, actually.”

 

“Two  _ years? _ ”

 

“Yeah. And it’s funny, I always worry that mum is angry with me, but she’s… I mean, London’s not a cheap place to live, and luckily my family know that. Mum always puts on a happy face when we FaceTime, says she hopes she’ll be able to see me soon… but then I always disappoint her by not being able to come. Every Christmas I try to make it out there, but I just can’t really afford to take the time off work. Not  _ and _ buy them gifts, you know? So I usually just do gifts. I would feel bad coming home empty-handed, it’s… not embarrassing, but… well. Yeah, if I’m honest with myself, it’s embarrassing.”

 

“You shouldn’t have to choose!” Phil said, whining a bit on Dan’s behalf, which made Dan smile a bit. “There’s nothing embarrassing about coming home without gifts. If I were them, just seeing you would be enough for me.”  _ Just seeing you is always enough to brighten my day, _ he thought.

 

“Yeah, but… I just feel like… like kind of a failure when I show up without gifts. Dad was really angry with me when I dropped out of university, you know? So whenever I  _ do _ come home I have to apologize for not bringing a gift or wine or food with me, and in response I get a bit of a talk from him about how I shouldn’t still be in an expensive place like London if I’m not here for school or some fancy city job, and… I don’t know. It just makes me feel awful.”

 

“He only says that because he loves and misses you.”

 

“I don’t know, maybe.”

 

“Come on, you know how dads can be. They always have to show love in their more, like… manly, hard, disapproving sorts of ways.”

 

Dan laughed. “Not you, though! You’re the most unusual dad I’ve ever met.”

 

“Thank you!” Phil said proudly.

 

“For real, Matt & Julie… well, they make me want kids of my own. Your way of parenting them is actually really inspiring. Cheesy as that might be to say.”

 

Phil blushed a bit. “Thanks,” he said with a bashful chuckle.

 

They walked side by side, picking out items for Matthew and Julie, eventually checking out and loading the items into Phil’s car.

 

“Is there anything I can do?” Phil eventually asked. “About you visiting your family, I mean. I could give you some time off to see them for Christmas.”

 

“I couldn’t possibly ask you to do that,” Dan replied, shaking his head. “You and Olivia are both working right around Christmas Day. The kids are going to need me there. Besides, I can call and FaceTime with my family, so it’s not like I won’t be seeing them at all. It’s fine! We’re used to this arrangement.”

 

“If you insist.” Phil sighed. As a very family-oriented person, he was truly saddened by the idea that Dan saw his family so rarely. Immediately, the gears in his head began to turn and he thought of the perfect gift for Dan.

 

***

 

“Sir?”

 

“Yes, Lester?”

 

“I was wondering if you might allow me some time off for the holidays. If you’ll allow me to bring my laptop home I can work there. I know you don’t have a telecommute policy, but it would only be for a few days. It’s just that the nanny will be unavailable, and leaving my children at home alone would be, you know… neglect.”

 

Phil’s boss grumbled. “What days?”

 

“Um… Christmas Eve through the 28th I think?”

 

“I suppose,” Phil’s boss said with a huff, “I can allow that  _ this _ time. But only because you’re ahead of schedule. And you’d better actually be working those days. I’ll be checking in with you.”

 

Phil beamed. “Thank you sir!” He exclaimed. “Thank you so much. I won’t let you down, I promise!”

 

***

 

The following Monday, Dan worked as usual, cleaning and playing with the kids and continuing to help them with their homework and homemade gifts.

 

Phil arrived home slightly earlier than expected, and as usual Dan was very glad to see him. Something about Phil’s arrival home always made Dan feel like all was right with the universe.

 

“Hello, Dan!” Phil said joyfully, clearly excited about something.

 

“Welcome home, Phil! You’re in a good mood.”

 

“I am! Do you mind if we chat in the lounge for a bit?”

 

“Of course,” Dan said. Normally any phrase synonymous with “can we talk” would have him on edge, but the spring in Phil’s step kept Dan’s heart at ease.

 

They entered the lounge and sat on either part of the L-shaped sofa. Without saying a word, unable to hide his smile, Phil handed Dan an envelope.

 

“What’s this?” Dan asked.

 

“Early Christmas gift,” Phil said.

 

Curious, Dan carefully tore open the envelope. Inside were train tickets for a trip spanning from the 24th to the 28th of December. The destination was his hometown.

 

Dan gasped, and his eyes glistened with tears. “But… but I said you didn’t have to worry about it,” he said, smiling.

 

Phil shrugged. “You shouldn’t have to go without seeing your family.”

 

“Oh my god, th-- wait, what about the kids? Don’t you and Olivia both have to work?”

 

“I asked my boss if I could work from home those days. He scares the life out of me most of the time, but luckily he agreed.”

 

Dan was speechless. His mouth hung open for a beat as he struggled to string together the right words to express his gratitude. “Phil, how could I possibly repay you for this?”

 

“It’s a gift!” Phil said. “You don’t pay people back for gifts.”

 

Dan launched himself forward off his side of the couch and towards Phil, throwing his arms around him. It was awkward and clumsy, but so sweet that Phil couldn’t help but giggle.

 

“Thank you,” Dan whispered into Phil’s ear. “Thank you so, so much.”

 

He squeezed Phil tightly. Phil squeezed right back, breathing in the flowery-yet-masculine scent of Dan’s shampoo and cologne. He closed his eyes and was met with a montage of scenes of Dan playing with the kids, making dinner with him, smiling when he got home from work, and falling asleep in Phil’s arms on the sofa. But in this daydream, these things weren’t temporary or one-off things. They were permanent. They were the moments that felt like home, that  _ were _ home. Things he’d once had with Olivia, but now…

 

He blinked, trying to snap himself out of the sentimental -- dare he say, romantic -- thoughts he was having.

 

“Whenever you want to visit home,” he said, his voice slightly muffled, “please tell me. I’ll always help you out.”

 

Dan pulled back from the hug and shook his head. “No, I couldn’t do that to you. You’ve told me how tough your boss is.” He chuckled and glanced at the tickets in his hand again, as though needing to confirm one more time that they were indeed real. “How on earth did you get him to agree to let you work from home?”

 

“I’m apparently ahead of schedule, so he said it was okay this time.”

 

Dan’s face fell slightly upon the realization that his assignment might end sooner than originally planned. “You’re… you’re ahead of schedule?”

 

“Yeah. Thanks to you being here, I’ve been able to relax and get more done.”

 

Dan tried his best to smile a bit and hide his sadness at the thought of leaving the Lester family. “Oh,” he said as brightly as he could. “That’s wonderful for you then.”

 

Phil could see Dan’s disappointment. “I mean, I’ll probably still have to work clear through January with all the changes the BBC will ask for.”

 

“Right,” Dan said, exhaling with slight relief. “Of course. Well, um... Your portion of dinner is in the refrigerator if you want it. I should go. I’m going to… I’m going to head home and get some sleep. I’ve got the opportunity to get more sleep than usual, so… that’s nice!”

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

“I um… Thank you. Thanks so much. For the train tickets, and for working from home while I’m gone. That, um… that probably wasn’t easy for you to ask for.” Dan and Phil smiled at each other. “My mum will be so happy I can come home for Christmas.”

 

“I’m glad she’ll be happy,” Phil said. “I have to admit I was  _ slightly _ concerned your last minute change of plans might be an imposition.”

 

“Honestly I think my mum secretly hopes I’ll change my plans last minute  _ every _ year,” Dan laughed.

 

***

 

“Daniel?”

 

“Hm?”

 

Dan lifted his head from his fist, upon which it had been resting for, in all likelihood, several hours.

 

“You took the train all the way here, but you haven’t said more than five words all evening.”

 

“Sorry, Mum,” Dan said, blinking his way back into reality. “My mind’s just… somewhere else.”

 

“Want some hot cocoa? You seem like you need it.”

 

Dan smiled. “That would be heavenly.”

 

Dan turned his eyes toward the television screen where some Christmas movie played, serving as little more than background noise while Dan’s family members did their own things all about the house. He liked the sort of half-bustle of these family gatherings. Everyone felt lively, which was a comfort in the cold atmosphere of Christmastime, but he was never forced to participate too much. There was no rushing around; nothing more than the relaxed enjoyment of each other’s company.

 

Dan’s mother returned, extending a mug of hot cocoa to her son, which Dan gladly accepted. “Do you miss the Lester kids?” she guessed, reclaiming her seat next to him on the sofa. “You’ve sounded incredibly fond of them ever since you got that job.”

 

Dan smiled, amused by how close her guess was. “Not… not the  _ kids, _ exactly.”

 

“Oh  _ no _ ,” she said with a tragic inflection. “Not their mother!”

 

Dan laughed hysterically. “Oh my god, Mum, no! Olivia’s quite pretty but she’s hardly even there. I’ve barely got to know her at all. Besides…” Dan sighed. “Phil adores her.”

 

“Oh you poor thing,” Dan’s mum said, realization dawning. “You’ve got a crush on the dad then, have you?”

 

Dan didn’t say anything verbally, but his face communicated all.

 

“Well… crushes are harmless as long as you don’t act on them,” Dan’s mother said in an attempt to be positive.

 

“Yeah, I guess.”

 

“Is he cute?”

 

“Mum!”

 

“I’m just curious about him! I always want to know about the people you’re interested in.”

 

“Well, er…” Dan sat up a bit straighter, trying to think of where to begin. “I mean, the first thing you notice are his eyes. They… ugh, it sounds so cliche, I know, but my god, Mum. They’re like the sky on a warm day. His hair’s dyed black -- he thinks I don’t notice the roots growing in, but I do. He’d still be handsome if he let it grow out, but… his skin is like… like alabaster. He looks like a work of art, and the black hair against his pale skin? Oh, god. It just makes him all the more beautiful. And he’s about my height, but I think he carries it better. When he walks in the room, it’s like the sun rising. He takes over the entire room but not in a scary intimidating way really. It’s like… like a glow.”

 

Dan’s mother was enraptured. “My god, Dan, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone talk about a crush like that in my life!”

 

Dan blushed and tried not to laugh. “Oh god, how cheesy do I sound right now? Be honest.”

 

“Nothing wrong with it! You always did have a talent for words. You sound like you’re well gone for him, though.”

 

“It’s hard not to fall for a guy like him. Like, it’s not even just that he’s cute, you know? I could brush that off. But he’s just so  _ kind. _ I mean, he got me the tickets to come here as an early Christmas gift after one conversation where I mentioned wishing I could come home. He’s so considerate. He listens. He makes me feel like part of the family, you know? And he’s an  _ incredible _ father. I mean, you know how much I love his kids. That’s all him. Like I said, their mother is rarely home. He’s basically raised these incredible young people on his own. He works so hard, but he always puts the kids first. And the poor guy, like…” Dan paused. He hated this part. “He really loves his wife, you know? He’s so devoted to her and to trying to keep their marriage together, but she doesn’t really hold up her end of that. It breaks my heart, because I can see how lonely he is, and… I can’t do anything to help.”

 

Dan’s mum gave a wistful, half-smile.

 

“Oh, wait…” Dan’s eyes widened a bit as he had a realization. “Actually I have a photo of him, hang on…” He got his phone out and scrolled through his camera roll, speaking as he did. “I was going on and on about what he looked like, sounding like a goddamn preteen poet, and the whole time there are photos on my phone.” He turned his phone out to show his mum a photo of himself, Phil, and the kids getting ice cream on a day that was comically too cold for ice cream.

 

“Oh he is a cute one!” she said supportively, not seeing half the beauty her son saw in him but definitely understanding. “You know,” she continued hesitantly, “this might be awful of me to say, because I certainly didn’t raise a home wrecker… but this looks like one big happy family.”

 

Dan took the phone back and gazed at the photo himself. “Honestly… God, this is so pathetic, but… there are times I forget we’re not. There are times I forget Olivia exists, and I always feel so guilty afterwards. I catch myself thinking that… that I belong with them.” Dan rolled his eyes at himself, wanting to collapse into a pile and never leave the sofa. “I don’t know, it’s so stupid…”

 

“It’s not stupid. That feeling of belonging? That was how I knew your father was the one. It wasn’t excitement or thrill or romance, it was just… safety? Contentment? Intimacy? I’m not sure the word for it.”

 

Dan sighed sadly. “I think I know the word for it.”

 

Dan’s mum reached out and held his hand. “Yeah. I do, too.” She stroked his knuckles for a moment. “In retrospect I probably shouldn’t have asked you about him. I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s fine,” Dan said. “Thinking about him is probably my favorite thing to do these days.” He gave a sad smile, and, feeling vulnerable and safe and loved, he let himself shed a tear. He was in love with a married man, and now his mother knew it, but he knew she was there for him.

 

She spent the entire rest of his visit distracting him from his crush on Phil Lester, making sure to cook all his favorite foods and keep him busy with baking, family game nights, and Christmas movies that had as little to do with love as possible.

 

And on the 28th, Dan boarded the train home feeling loved and cared for by one of his families and excited to finally once again return to the other.

 

***

 

Having napped on the train, Dan arrived home energized and eager to see Phil and the kids. While he was asleep, Phil had sent a text inviting Dan to come over as soon as he was back in town if he was feeling up to it. He certainly was, but he stopped at home to drop off his bags and shower the general stench of travel off himself.

 

One shower later, Dan was feeling refreshed and alive. While waiting for his toweled-off hair to finish air drying, he tried on half a dozen outfits before settling on the right one (one which included an ugly Christmas jumper appropriate for the late Christmas celebration Phil was promising).

 

He put on his coat, got in the car, hurried over to the Lester house, and knocked on the door happily.

 

Phil’s face was a sight for sore eyes. It had been mere days, not even a week, and yet it felt like Dan hadn’t seen Phil in years. They beamed at one another.

 

“Hey, you,” Phil said.

 

“Missed you,” Dan said back.

 

“Dan?” they heard. Dan tilted his head to look into the house, where he saw Julie running towards him. “It’s Dan! Dan’s back!” Dan crouched down to gather Julie up in his arms while Matthew walked quickly towards him.

 

“Hey Dan!” he said happily.

 

“Okay kids,” Phil said, going into dad mode. “Give Dan enough room to come in so I can close this door. It’s freezing!”

 

Dan put Julie down and stepped inside, taking off his coat and draping it over his arm as he carried it in.

 

“Hey, welcome back!” Olivia’s voice rang out cheerfully from upstairs. She came down, looking as prim as ever, to greet Dan properly. “I heard the kids, they sounded so excited I knew it had to be you.”

 

Dan smiled bashfully. “It’s good to be back. I missed everyone!”

 

“Ready for your second Christmas, then?”

 

“Always.”

 

***

 

Julie had made Dan a felt and styrofoam plaque of sorts -- covered in glitter, of course -- with the digits “11-6-91” affixed to it. His birthday.

 

“Julie, this is so thoughtful!” Dan said, a warm and fond look in his eyes. “How did you know my birthday?”

 

“I asked Dad if he knew it. He looked it up on Facebook for me.”

 

“Well thank you, Julie. This is lovely. I’ll hang it up in my room at home.”

 

Matthew approached Dan with a wrapped gift about the size of a thick shirt box. “You’d better like this. You said you would!”

 

Slightly confused and incredibly curious, Dan tore off the wrapping paper and opened the plain white box inside. He was greeted by the sight of something knitted and black.

 

“Oh, Matty!” Dan exclaimed with a grin, remembering what this had to be. He picked up the scarf, which to his shock and delight was incredibly soft, and immediately wrapped it around his neck. “You knitted this yourself?”

 

“Yup. Had to rush it, so sorry if there are some mistakes. 

 

“Basically anytime you weren’t here, he was working on that,” Phil explained.

 

“Yeah,” Matthew reluctantly confirmed. “Even worked on it at school for a bit at the start, but eventually it was too big and I got yelled at for being a distraction.”

 

“He stayed up  _ so _ late a couple of times,” Phil continued, shaking his head. “The kid worked so hard.”

 

“This is actually the greatest gift I’ve ever received,” Dan said, his tone nothing short of reverent.

 

“Hey!” Julie said with mock offense.

 

“Aside from your birthday sign, of course.”

 

Julie gave a smug grin..

 

***

 

Later, Dan and Phil were in the kitchen finishing dinner prep. Dan felt so cozy back in this house, where he belonged, and yet Phil seemed quiet and distant.

 

“You okay?” Dan asked. “You’ve been a bit… I don’t know. Glum, I guess.”

 

Phil put on a happy face as best he could, but eventually gave up. This was Dan, after all; there was no reason to hide that he was upset. “Yeah…” he admitted. “I’m not in the best mood. I’m trying not to make it too obvious since you’re here and it’s sort of Christmas and I don’t want to drag everyone down.”

 

“It’s just me,” Dan said. “What’s wrong? You can tell me.”

 

Phil looked hesitant.

 

“Really,” Dan pressed. “I mean, if you’re not comfortable, you don’t have to, but…”

 

“It’s nothing huge,” Phil said. “Like, it’s not a big dramatic thing, it’s just disappointing, I guess... Olivia has to go on a trip to America for work. New York. And…. she’s leaving tomorrow, so. You know.”

 

“She’ll be gone over New Year’s,” Dan said, filling in the blank.

 

Phil nodded. “Not the first time, either.” He kept his voice low. His eyes were sad and distant, but that sadness changed to frustration and anger as he spoke. “I haven’t been able to kiss her at midnight for 3 of the last 5 years. Bit of a not-so-fun fact for you right there. And I know it’s silly, maybe -- she calls it silly, anyway -- but that matters to me. Silly traditions and superstitions like that might not matter to everyone, but they matter to me, and--” Phil interrupted himself and rubbed his eyes. He sighed, trying to calm down. “Sorry, I don’t mean to burden you with my marital problems…”

 

“Phil, you’ve been confiding in me about this stuff literally since the day you hired me. It’s okay. I’m here for you.”

 

“It’s just…. When Olivia needs something in order to feel loved and cared for, I do everything I can to give it to her,” Phil explained quietly. “I tell her what I need, too. I let her know what makes me happy and what makes  _ me _ feel loved. And for the first few years we were married she’d make sacrifices for me. No massively huge ones, obviously. Nothing that would make me feel guilty. But she would make the effort. She made me feel like I mattered to her. But… I’m starting to feel like I don’t anymore.” Phil’s eyes were reddening quickly. He sniffled.

 

“You matter to me,” Dan whispered. “And… you matter to your kids. And obviously you matter to the BBC right now.” He chuckled a bit, and Phil smiled a tiny smile in spite of himself.

 

“Thanks, Dan.” he replied.

 

***

 

“Olivia, can I talk to you for a minute?” Dan said after dinner while Phil and the kids handled cleanup and dishes.

 

“Sure,” she answered. They stepped aside, near Olivia’s study, and Dan gave her the angriest death glare he could muster.

 

“On Halloween you told me you were trying to get more help,” he said. “That you were trying to ask your boss to hire more people so you wouldn’t have to work so much.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“So then what’s this I hear about you going on a business trip over New Year’s?”

 

Olivia put her hands up defensively. “I promise, I did talk to my boss about hiring more people.” She folded her arms over her chest and shrugged. “It just hasn’t happened yet.”

 

“Tell me honestly,” Dan said slowly, trying to remain calm. “Exactly how many times  _ have _ you talked to your boss since Halloween?”

 

Olivia tensed up. She avoided eye contact with Dan as she gave her answer. “One.”

 

“Please,” Dan said, “tell me it wasn’t on November 1st.”

 

Unable to do so truthfully, Olivia said nothing in response.

 

“How can you not push for this?” Dan pleaded. “You can’t keep working these hours. My god, Phil loves you  _ so much. _ I can see in his eyes how much he misses you every time he looks at you or talks about you. Your kids love you and miss you too. This is your  _ family _ , Olivia!”

 

“And I’m taking care of my family by working my arse off every goddamn day!” Olivia snapped.

 

“And what, you think more hours is more love? The more time you spend working and not  _ with _ them, that means you’re a better wife and mother? That’s not how it works.”

 

“You don’t know me, Dan,” Olivia said through clenched teeth. “And you are way out of line right now.”

 

“I might be, but you know what? This is a temporary assignment and I have nothing to lose. If you convince Phil to fire me, fine, I don’t care. I’m going to tell you what I think anyway. And what I think is that you’re a coward and that Phil deserves better than you.”

 

“How dare you call me a coward!”

 

“You are one!” Dan said. “You’re scared of your boss, that’s understandable. It happens. Bosses are scary sometimes. But when Phil was scared of his boss, he  _ still _ asked to work from home so that I could see my family. He took that risk for me because he’s a good man and he cared. But you won’t take that risk for him?”

 

“That’s different, Dan,” she said impatiently. “He asked his boss for a one-time favor. I’d be asking mine to adjust the company budget.”

 

“Stop making excuses. You’re not talking to your boss because I guess to you it’s not worth it. It’s easier just to work these long hours rather than-- Wait.”

 

Olivia was quiet as Dan’s face relaxed. She looked at the ground to avoid looking at him. He was beginning to understand what was going on, and she knew it.

 

“You don’t love him,” Dan said quietly, nearly a whisper, horrified and saddened by this epiphany. “Do you?”

 

Olivia wiped a tear off her cheek.

 

“You work long hours because they give you an excuse,” Dan continued. “You don’t have to face him if you’re working all the time. That’s it, isn’t it?”

 

Olivia remained silent.

 

Dan shook his head. “He’s a good man, Olivia.”

 

“Yeah,” Olivia whispered. “He is.”

 

***

 

Dan spent the rest of his evening at the Lesters’ wrestling with whether to tell Phil what he’d gleaned from his conversation with Olivia. He badly wanted to, but this was not his fight. Olivia herself needed to be honest with Phil about how her feelings had changed. Besides, if Dan said anything to Phil, it would feel evil somehow. Like he was sowing the seeds of divorce so he could have Phil to himself. Sure, it was true that Phil being available would be a fringe benefit of his marriage ending, but that was so far from the front of Dan’s mind. Primarily, Dan utterly despised the idea of Phil being strung along by this woman any longer. This was going to break his heart, and the longer he went without knowing the truth, the harder it would be.

 

In the end, though, Dan said nothing. He didn’t have the right. 

 

But he made sure to give Olivia a pointed glare just before he walked out the door.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr link for the chapter is [here](https://americanphancakes.tumblr.com/post/182290368393/practically-perfect-in-every-way-chapter-2) if you wanna reblog/like it. :D


	3. Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan starts 2019 with the Lesters, and things get a bit... dramatic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two and a half months without an update, I know, oh my god if you were patiently waiting for more of this fic you are AMAZING and I thank you so so much for sticking with it. I didn’t forget this fic! It’s just kind of hilarious how much losing a job can make you feel entirely useless and worthless and blah blah blah oh god.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the sexual tension and sorta parent!phan in this one. :)

  
  


Matthew and Julie sat at the top of the stairs, holding onto the posts of the staircase and looking through them as though they were prison bars. But it was not they who were trapped, they felt. It was their father.

 

“You think I don’t miss you and the kids?” Olivia was asking, her tone accusatory.

 

“You know what?” Phil replied. “I don’t. I actually don’t. This just keeps happening! What am I supposed to think?”

 

“Oh, stop it!” Olivia yelled, trying to talk over Phil.

 

“Stop what? Fighting for your attention? I’d love to stop, but you kind of need to actually give me any attention first!”

 

“You have my attention, Phil!”

 

“And what about, you know, affection? Time? Love, how about that? Do I even have that anymore?”

 

Matthew looked at his sister to make sure she wasn’t crying. She wasn’t, of course. A couple of years ago these fights would have left them feeling devastated and stressed and panicked, but these days they were so routine that the lack of tears on Julie’s face wasn’t a surprise. Once upon a time, Matthew would need to hug and comfort her. Now they just sighed out of a mix of hopelessness and annoyance.

 

“Go on back to bed, Julie,” Matthew said quietly to avoid being heard by the yelling adults below. “They’ll stop eventually.”

 

“I guess.”

 

“Do you want me to come read you a story?”

 

“Nah,” Julie said, shaking her head confidently. “I’m going to listen to music.”

 

“Lo-fi hip hop again?”

 

“It helps!” Julie said emphatically.

 

Matthew smiled. “Alright, alright. Up you go.”

 

Once she was back in her room, Matthew snuck down the stairs and into the study. He googled “parent fighting effects on children” to see what he could find. In the past, his article printouts had done very little to affect their mother’s behavior, true, but at least he could stop his father from enabling all the yelling and fighting.

 

The best article he found was focused on the effects of divorce specifically. In a longitudinal study of 500 families in the US and Great Britain, social scientists learned that children of divorced parents fared better in life compared to the children of still-married parents who reported marital strife (for example, infidelity, fighting, or domestic abuse). The exposure to such marriages resulted in serious mental health issues such as increased anxiety, social phobias, poor conflict resolution skills, and learned helplessness when faced with common life challenges, whereas children of divorced parents had much lower risk of these problems.

 

It would be better for himself and Julie if his parents got divorced, and science proved it! This was the best news Matthew had ever heard!

 

He hurriedly printed out the article and stapled it together. With quick and quiet footing, he practically floated up the stairs, and gently placed the printout on his father’s pillow.

 

He tiptoed to his own room and went to sleep, hopeful and worried and excited and fearful all at once. Would his father listen? He could only wait and see.

 

***

 

Dan was lying face down on the Lesters’ dining room floor.

 

Or rather, “Danellus” was. You see, by the order of Empress Julie Caesar, the strongest of her soldiers - Matthew - had executed Danellus for some vaguely-defined crime. Poor Matthew, however, had decided he had had enough of such violence at the empress’ whims.

 

“His blood is on my hands!” Matthew said dramatically, looking at his palms (which he’d covered in red marker ink). “I can carry out these brutal orders no longer!” He turned to face Julie, who had a tissue paper crown from Christmas sitting on her head.

 

“You will obey my orders!” Julie said in her adorable tiny growl. “Or you will die!”

 

“En garde!” Matthew called.

 

For his part, Dan could do nothing but lie there like the corpse he was while the children took their fight outside, the cold air doing little to stop them. He smiled watching them waltz out the back door.

 

Just then, though, the front door opened and Phil walked in, suit on, messenger-style laptop bag crossing from left shoulder to right hip. He must have had a meeting today. Dan smiled up at him.

 

“Hello!” he chirped, lifting up two fingers from the ground in a sort of wave.

 

“Dare I ask why you’re on the floor, dressed like a… what are you, a Roman soldier?”

 

“Yup. Matthew killed me on Julie’s command, and now they’re outside fighting about it because Matthew doesn’t want to follow her evil orders anymore. But I’m dead so I can’t talk to you so shh.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Phil said with a smile, putting his bag down and taking his jacket off. “Wait a minute, I can talk. I’m not dead.”

 

Dan laughed. “True.”

 

Phil hummed thoughtfully and tapped on his chin. “Perhaps this can be used in the story.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Well we can say I just got home from, like, working our family marketplace stall or something, I don’t know. And I come home and I see you, my dear husband, dead on the floor…”

 

Dan gasped happily. “And now you have to avenge me!”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Here,” Dan said with a wiggle of his butt, drawing attention to the plastic sword strapped to his side. Or at least intending to, but naturally Phil looked at the wiggling butt first. “Take my sword, team up with Matthew to take down the evil empress Julie Caesar!”

 

“Empress Julie Caesar?”

 

“You know her,” Dan quipped. “She loves being the evil queen in everything.”

 

“True enough.” Phil bent down and took Dan’s sword. “And  _ you _ can’t resist a good pun any better than I can, so I’m going to bet the name was your idea.”

 

Dan merely shrugged and smiled, still laying on the ground, looking utterly ridiculous but not caring that he did. Fun conquered all. “They’re out in the back garden,” he said.

 

“Got it.” 

 

Dan watched fondly as Phil rushed toward the back door and announced his presence triumphantly. “Matthew! I have come to aid in your fight! The empress has allowed my one true love to die, and this shall not stand!”

 

Julie gasped. “Et tu, Philius!?” she yelled.

 

As they all play-fought, Dan eventually got up and walked to the back door. He leaned against the door frame, arms folded, watching in amusement.

 

“Danellus!” Julie yelled upon seeing him there. “Do you dare let your Empress die?!”

 

“Uh, for one thing, I’m dead!” Dan said defensively. “I’m just observing all this as a ghost, I can’t interfere. Secondly, you’re responsible for my death! Why would I help you?”

 

Taking advantage of Julie’s distraction thanks to the mischievous poltergeist that Danellus had apparently become, Matthew and Phil — well,  _ Philius _ — poked Julie’s sides with their plastic swords and Julie groaned and fell to the ground. 

 

“Indeed,” Julie said in a gravely, groaning voice, “love has won on this day, and I… I fall!”

 

Dan shook his head, smiling, and applauded.

 

Face-down in the dirt, Julie then added, “Okay now kiss!”

 

“Excuse me?” Phil asked. 

 

Julie raised her head up. “You and Dan. You should kiss now!” 

 

Phil laughed nervously. “We will do no such thing, young lady!”

 

“Oh poo,” Julie said, pouting at her father. “I let you guys win and this is how you thank me?”

 

“You did not let us win,” Matthew said.

 

“I did though! Dad came to avenge Dan because he loved him, and that’s just terribly romantic. I sacrificed myself in the name of love!”

 

Dan was blushing and fighting a smile, but said nothing.

 

“You do realize this was a work of fiction, yeah?” Phil asked.

 

“Art imitates life,” she said with a grin.

 

“Well,” Phil said, ignoring Julie’s not-so-subtle suggestion of romance between himself and Dan, “It’s freezing out here, let’s get inside. Julie, you need to wash your face! Look at you.”

 

***

 

On New Year’s Eve, it was a family tradition to measure the kids to see how they’d grown over the past year. It was one of many things Phil enjoyed doing to bond with his kids, especially with Olivia being gone most New Year’s holidays in recent years. Today, though, he had Dan to help, which was advantageous given the children’s fidgety natures. Dan decided to do the measuring while Phil double checked that they were indeed standing up straight while being sized up.

 

Alongside measuring the kids, Dan decided to add a little bit of Mary Poppins inspired silliness to the proceedings. He measured Matthew first.

 

“What’s it say?” Matthew asked excitedly.

 

Dan looked at the measuring tape. “It says ‘too clever for your own good,’” he said with a smirk.

 

“Oh come on, Dan,” Matthew laughed. 

 

“140 centimeters,” Dan confessed.

 

“Oh my god stop growing!” Phil groaned.

 

“Stop feeding me so many vegetables and maybe I will,” Matthew said, ever the smartass.

 

“My turn! My turn!” Julie jumped up excitedly. She stood up straight while Dan positioned one end of the measuring tape on the floor. She kept twisting from side to side, so Phil held her shoulders.

 

“Stop that!” he admonished playfully. Julie giggled, but kept still.

 

“What’s mine say?” she asked impatiently.

 

“It says… ‘your true self is right around the corner.’”

 

“Oh you,” Julie said.

 

Dan laughed. “128 centimeters.”

 

“Growing like a weed,” Phil said.

 

Once the kids had gone off to play, Phil found himself looking Dan up and down. Not in a sexual way, but purely curiously. “How tall are you?” he asked.

 

“Oh… not sure, actually. Measure me?”

 

“Sure. Stand up against that wall so your posture is right.”

 

“My posture is fine!” Dan said defensively.

 

Phil snickered as he took the measuring tape from Dan. “Have you seen yourself?”

 

“Shut up, you.”

 

Dan stood against the wall  and Phil crouched down on the floor to make sure the measuring tape was aligned with the ground next to Dan’s socked feet. He slowly stood, trying very hard not to just stare at the shape of Dan’s entire body on his way up. Suddenly, by virtue of their close proximity, his interest in Dan’s body had become considerably less innocent. Breathing was getting ever so slightly more difficult. He ignored it.

 

Until he reached Dan’s head, at least. Dan was wearing cologne. And what was almost certainly cherry chapstick, adding a blush to his lips and a sweet smell to the air around his face.

 

“Um…” Phil cleared his throat a bit. “It says ‘you are a very tall boy.’”

 

Dan laughed. “Couldn’t come up with anything more clever?”

 

“Couldn’t come up with anything more accurate either. 190 centimeters. And a half.”

 

“Oh wow. I am indeed a very tall boy.”

 

They switched places, and Dan measured Phil. Their faces were once again close together. Dan looked into Phil’s beautiful blue eyes and smiled gently. The urge to kiss him was very strong, but with great effort, he behaved.

 

“What’s it say, Dan?” Phil asked, his voice low.

 

Dan smiled. “Practically perfect in every way,” he said quietly.

 

Phil’s cheeks flushed. He knew it was a direct Mary Poppins reference and he wanted to laugh at that, but he also knew Dan said that for a reason. Did Dan think he was perfect? Apparently so. The feeling was mutual, and he wanted to tell Dan so. “You sure you’re not reading your own measurement?”

 

Dan gave a delighted but anxious giggle.

 

“Can’t be,” he finally said. “It also says you’re 190 centimeters even, so.”

 

“What?” Phil said incredulously, stomping away from the wall. “It does not!”

 

“Oh, it does!” Dan laughed.

 

“How are you taller than me!?”

 

“By being 190 centimeters  _ and a half, _ bitch!”

 

***

 

Hours later, Dan stepped onto the floor from the staircase and smiled at Phil in the kitchen. “Julie fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow,” he said.

 

Phil snickered. “She always thinks she can stay up for the countdown, but she never makes it.”

 

“Matthew is in bed, too,” Dan continued. “And his lights are out. He was more reluctant to admit he was sleepy, but he’ll probably be asleep soon.”

 

“Okay good.”

 

Phil was pouring white wine into two glasses, and handed one to Dan.

 

“Haven’t tried this one yet,” Phil said. “Let me know what you think.”

 

Dan took a sip. “Hm,” he said. “Oh wow! Actually this is really not bad.”

 

“Yeah,” Phil agreed, having tried his own. “It’s not that hard to find a really good bottle of wine for a hundred pounds, but finding one for twelve? That’s a talent.”

 

“One you apparently have!” Dan smiled. 

 

Phil smiled back proudly. Dan looked at how his face crinkled up, how his eyes narrowed joyfully, and how his lips stretched into their signature grin. It was a face Dan had become so fond of. He chuckled almost imperceptibly before taking another sip of the wine that definitely tasted like closer to 40 or 50 pounds than 12.

 

Less than an hour and that whole bottle of wine later, it was finally the year 2019. The fireworks on television popped and exploded in a fit of color as Phil emptied his wine glass, trying to forget that his wife was elsewhere. If he was honest, at this point, he was trying to forget he even had a wife. He felt an obligation to make it work with her, but it was becoming harder and harder to do that, no matter how much he loved her. Mostly he just wished he didn’t care. He wished he could stop wanting her to love him as much as he loved her. 

 

Dan sat next to him on the sofa, closer than was strictly necessary, but Phil couldn’t bring himself to put even a millimeter of space between them. He feared that the loss of Dan’s warmth against his hip and leg would feel too cold to bear.

 

“I wish I had someone to kiss,” Dan mumbled, out of the blue but sounding like he’d been crawling around through Phil’s mind only to emerge covered in the same loneliness that was floating all through the atmosphere there.

 

“Me too,” Phil said.

 

They looked at each other, knowing full well what they wanted. In a brief moment of lucidity, Phil remembered that wine was a factor in the pull he felt toward Dan. He blinked, cleared his throat, and looked away quickly. His chest felt like there was a pleasant but noticeable weight sitting on it, and his stomach felt fluttery.

 

“Phil?”

 

At the sound of Dan’s small, lovely voice pleading, he couldn’t help but look. Dan’s eyes were beautiful. And his nose was so cute, and his mouth… god, his mouth…

 

His mouth was suddenly much closer.

 

Somewhere in the background, Phil was vaguely aware of the sound of fireworks exploding and easily ignored voices chattering away on the television. But his face and Dan’s were so close that his every sense was full of  _ Dan _ . The texture of his skin, the scent of his cologne and cherry chapstick mixed with that of their wine, the feeling and sound of his breathing. Before he could stop himself, Phil reached up and ran his fingers through Dan’s wavy hair. Phil’s own heartbeat echoed in his ears, accelerating more and more with every moment they sat there taking each other in.

 

“Dan, I…”

 

Phil leaned in, staring at Dan’s mouth before closing his eyes, but before he could close the distance completely his mind screamed at him that  _ this was definitely not allowed. _

 

Phil gasped and pushed Dan away suddenly. “Oh god,” he said, his eyes now wide with panic. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… oh god.”

 

Dan was panting, desperate for real actual air that was part of this real actual house as he realized that he’d almost just kissed a real actual married man. “Oh fuck,” he said, pushing the words out of his lungs and throat like a piece of furniture he couldn’t quite get through a small apartment door.

 

“Dan, I—“

 

“I’m sorry, Phil.” Dan stood up and headed for the coat closet. He had to get out. He had to get out right now.

 

“Dan,  _ please, _ don’t—“

 

“I’m sorry,” Dan mumbled loudly as he put his coat on. “I’m… I have to go.”

 

And with that, he was out the door.

 

Phil, feeling oddly cold now, stood in the lounge listening to TV announcers talk about what a lovely fireworks display that had been.

 

***

 

_ Bzzzz. Bzzzz. _

 

Over and over, Phil’s phone buzzed with notifications — texts, from the sound of it — and Phil did nothing more than look at that stupid little buzzing brick sitting on his bedside table.

 

_ Bzzzz. Bzzzz. _

_ Bzzzz. Bzzzz. _

 

Phil grumbled, sighed, and grabbed his phone, knowing he couldn’t ignore this forever. He looked at it. Of course, Dan had texted him a dozen times in his not-unwarranted panic.

 

**Dan Howell**

_ i shouldn’t have leaned in oh god i’m so sorry phil _

_ i should probably quit i know _

_ i just can’t lose this job _

_ for so many reasons _

_ i dunno maybe we should just make a rule that i leave as soon as you get home _

_ that way i’m not like tempted or whatever _

_ and neither are you _

_ i guess _

_ fuck phil please answer _

_ i’m so sorry _

 

Phil set the phone back down on his bedside table. Face down. 

 

But then it buzzed again. He couldn’t escape it.

 

Guilty, angry at himself, and feeling like he took advantage of his employee, he put his pillow over his face and screamed.

 

***

 

Olivia was back from her trip far too soon. Phil wanted to say he wasn’t sure why he suddenly wished she’d stayed away longer… but then again, he knew precisely why. He couldn’t deny it anymore, really. He liked Dan. And Dan apparently liked him back.

 

It was perfectly valid to find Dan attractive, of course. Anyone would. He was beautiful. But nearly acting on that attraction was, in Phil’s mind, unforgivable. Luckily, it was easy enough to pinpoint the reason for the urge to do so; he had been drunk and, more importantly, lonely! His wife had been gone on New Year’s Eve yet again, and Dan said he wished he had someone to kiss, so Phil’s stupid instinctual lizard brain metabolized the wine in such a way that kissing Dan seemed like a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

 

He didn’t  _ want _ loneliness to make him do things like kiss the cute nanny, though. And the article the kids left on his pillow just before Olivia left had given him pause. He didn’t want to be unfaithful, and he didn’t want to stay in a marriage with so much fighting. But he didn’t want to leave Olivia either. He truly adored her and wanted them to make each other happy. Phil was officially at a crossroad.

 

No two ways about it — he had to talk to Olivia. Properly. He was going to give saving this marriage one last shot. And for the marriage to be saved, Olivia had to be around more. And he was fairly certain she wanted that just as much as he did. Or at least, he hoped so.

 

“Olivia, darling?” Phil said as they both got ready for bed the night after she returned. “Can I talk to you?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Phil wasn’t sure where to start this conversation, so he went with  _ pathos. _

 

“I missed you. While you were gone. I always miss you when you’re gone.”

 

“I missed you too, sweetheart.” Something about the way she said it sounded rehearsed, dry, cold. Phil frowned, hoping it was his imagination.

 

“I know you said you were going to talk to your boss about hiring more people. How has that been going?”

 

Olivia opened her mouth, wanting to say it was hard to wear her boss down, or that she was being ignored, but looking into his eyes and remembering Dan’s words, something in her broke. “I… I haven’t really… I haven’t pushed hard enough for it.”

 

“Do you need my help? I could write an email to him or something.”

 

“No, Phil, I…” Olivia was clearly nervous. Phil could understand this being stressful, so he gave her time to collect her thoughts. He tilted his head, his big curious eyes penetrating Olivia’s soul and making her feel, quite frankly, like shit. “I feel like the kids deserve a better mother than me. You deserve a better life partner.”

 

“What?” Phil said, baffled. She couldn’t have meant that. This was meant to be a relationship-saving conversation, not a marital crisis. “Olivia, I don’t want a different life partner. I want you.” He pushed a lock of her hair out of her face and behind her ear. “Where is this coming from, love?”

 

“I just… I guess I feel guilty. I see you and Dan with the kids, and I feel so inadequate as a mother. I know I’m not here enough.”

 

“Well, you’re not here enough. But that’s because I love you. We all love you. You’re family and we love you even when you’re not here. We just wish you were here more. That’s all. Okay?” Phil slipped under the covers and into bed, and patted the empty space on her side. “Come on, love. You seem like you could use the rest.”

 

Olivia nodded. “Okay,” she said, and got into bed next to her husband, turning off her bedside lamp and letting herself hide in the cover of darkness.

 

She still seemed nervous, so Phil continued in a near-whisper since, for some reason, that’s the tone you’re supposed to use in the dark. “I know it’s tough asking your boss for things. Especially something like hiring a whole new person or two. But you can’t keep working these hours. You’ll work yourself sick!” Phil held onto Olivia’s hand and kissed it warmly. “If you need any encouragement or motivation before going in and talking to him, just remember I’m here. You can call me if you need moral support, or if you need advice, or anything. I’m  _ always _ there for you. Okay?”

 

Avoiding eye contact, Olivia nodded.

 

Phil smiled, satisfied that progress would finally be made. Olivia would get more help at work, and he’d get to see more of his wife, and he wouldn’t want to kiss the nanny anymore. He felt better. “Goodnight, Olivia.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

***

 

**_Phil Lester_ **

Everything’s fine, Dan. Okay?

I promise.

I’m not going to fire you for my mistake.

Besides, it won’t happen again. I messed up, and I’m making sure I’m not tempted to mess up anymore.

I don’t want you to leave as soon as I get home. I really like you being around, and I’d miss you.

I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?

*snug hugs like bugs in rugs*

 

Dan couldn’t help but look once again at that ridiculous last text from Phil. If it had come from anyone else, he’d probably assume they were trying too hard to seem unbothered. But coming from Phil, it was just another amusing, adorable sign off. Dan smiled. Phil could always make him smile. He was glad he hadn’t lost his job.

 

Dan looked up at the 2019 wall calendar hanging in the Lester family kitchen. It was meticulously marked up with plans and important dates, like Olivia’s return from the states and dinner plans with work colleagues. But, while January 30th was marked “Phil B’day,” no plans were indicated.

 

“Hey, Matty?” Dan asked.

 

Matthew, who was coloring at the table with Julie, picked his head up. “Hm?”

 

“Do your parents not have plans for your dad’s birthday?”

 

Matthew shrugged, returning to his work of art.

 

Dan made a mental note of this, and decided to ask Phil about those plans later.

 

***

 

Soon the children were back at school, and when Matthew came home one day Dan noticed that he seemed… off somehow. He stared at his homework almost motionlessly, his eyes frequently glassing over. Even easy questions seemed to take him five times longer to complete. When Julie got home and took her usual spot by his side at the table, she noticed it too. She stared at Matthew for a moment, then looked up at Dan, silently asking if he saw what she was seeing, and wondering if Dan knew what was up. Dan shrugged. Julie nodded and grabbed her things, taking her homework upstairs. Dan and Matthew needed to talk and she knew it.

 

Once Julie was out of earshot, Dan sat next to him.

 

“Hey, Matty?”

 

Matthew, heretofore unaware of his surroundings, jumped a bit but tried to hide it when he looked at Dan. “Hm? Oh. Hey.”

 

“You alright there, mate? You seem a bit distracted.”

 

Matthew sighed and put down the pencil he’d been fidgeting with. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

 

Dan just gave him a look.

 

“Actually…”

 

Dan relaxed a bit. He wanted Matthew to feel like he could talk to him about anything, so having Matthew open up was nice.

 

“Dan… how do you know if…” Matthew struggled to get his question out.

 

“What?”

 

“Well it’s just… you know how the kids at school have been calling my hobbies ‘gay’ to make fun of me?”

 

“Yeah,” Dan said with a disgusted frown.

 

“Is… is being gay a bad thing?”

 

“No, not at all,” Dan replied confidently. “I mean, I’m not gonna lie, it’s not always easy being gay or queer or any other not-heterosexual thing, but it isn’t evil or wrong or bad. It isn’t hurting anyone. Some people are just judgmental is all. But you know that.”

 

Matthew nodded. “Yeah.”

 

“You look like you’re still upset.” Dan said.

 

“How… how did you know you were… you know…”

 

“Gay?” Dan asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I’m not, technically. I mean I call myself ‘gay’ among friends sometimes, but strictly speaking I guess I’m bisexual.”

“Really?” Matthew’s face seemed to light up a bit.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Matthew exhaled as though this was the best news he’d ever heard. “I think… I think I’m bisexual too.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Dan lifted his eyebrows, honored that Matthew was talking to him about this.

 

“Yeah!” Matthew said. “I was so confused because I used to like a girl, but… now I think… I think I like this boy at school, and… I guess I sort of freaked out a bit, you know?”

 

“Oh yes, I know,” Dan said with a bitter chuckle. “I remember struggling with this too.”

 

“But… how do you know if you’re gay or bisexual or straight or...? Like… how do you know if it’s really… real attraction, or if it’s just… admiration or… or like your brain is pretending to like someone because you know you’re supposed to?”

 

Dan shook his head, trying hard not to laugh at how familiar all this sounded for fear of putting Matthew off. “I wish I had any definitive answers for you there. Mostly you just sort of… get to know yourself better over time. For now, at your age, just enjoy it. Flirt with who you want to flirt with, date who you want to date, and eventually you’ll figure it all out. There’s no rush. I mean, hell, some people don’t know their sexuality until they’re retired.”

 

“Wow,” Matthew said. “I hope I figure it out before then.”

 

“Always be true to yourself and you probably will,” Dan said with an encouraging smile. “So… tell me about him.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“The boy you like! I wanna hear about him!” 

 

Matthew’s face was as bright as fairy lights while he listed off everything he liked about Jeremy, the blond-haired green-eyed angel who’d caught his eye. Dan suddenly understood why his mother always asked him about the objects of his affection. The happiness radiating off Matthew was addictive.

 

***

 

On January 14th, a perfectly normal Monday in most ways, Phil came home from work as he typically did, a few hours too late for a hot dinner. He was smiling though, happy to be home, so Dan smiled too. Then Dan noticed there was thinly-veiled sorrow hiding behind Phil’s eyes. He was happy, but… he also wasn’t.

 

“The video is finally done!” Phil said, trying to keep upbeat and failing. Initially, when he got the e-mail saying that the BBC wanted no further changes and the final edit had been approved, he’d been so happy to be done with this nightmare project that he forgot what its end included. But within minutes, he was sitting at his desk thinking about Dan. Wishing to keep Dan. He hadn’t come home late because he was working. He’d come home late because he didn’t want to tell Dan this.

 

Dan, meanwhile, felt all the air get sucked out of the room. Or at least he stopped breathing it. His face fell. “Oh,” he said.

 

“Yeah,” Phil said quietly.

 

Dan stammered out his thoughts on the situation as best he could. “I thought you had another few weeks of work,” he said, a nervous bitter laugh escaping alongside the words. “Maybe even another month.”

 

“I um… I thought so too, honestly, but the BBC were happy with my last round of edits, and um… they didn’t have any more changes, so.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Dan glanced toward the lounge where the children, in their pajamas, were watching cartoons before bed as usual.

 

Dan kept his voice low, not ready to spring this on them yet. “So um… I’m done then?” he asked, looking at Phil with glistening eyes and an otherwise expressionless face.

 

Phil paused. Technically, yes, Dan’s services were no longer required. But just throwing him out seemed nothing short of cruel, never mind that Phil had no desire to stop seeing Dan in this house when he got home every night. Plus, he shared Dan’s thought that this would have to be gently told to the children. They would not like this news.

 

“I was thinking, maybe… you should stay through the end of the month. That way it’s not just this, y’know, sudden… thing.”

 

“Yeah.”  _ Not a sudden thing, _ Dan thought.  _ Hilarious. _

 

It was not lost on them that the end of this contract job felt like the end of something much greater.

 

“I’m sorry, Dan. We knew this wasn’t a long-term thing.”

 

Dan took a few breaths. Phil was right. This wasn’t a long-term thing. Dan was suddenly angry at himself, realizing he’d been foolish to hope for anything otherwise, however unconscious that hope may have been. “Oh, yeah,” Dan said, trying to shrug this all off. “I mean, obviously.” He forced a smile. “Um… I’ll be here through your birthday though, yeah?”

 

“Oh. Yeah, I guess so.”

 

“What are you doing for it? Your birthday, I mean?”

 

Phil frowned. He didn’t have any plans. Olivia hadn’t suggested anything or offered anything. And amazingly, Phil hadn’t even noticed. Perhaps she had merely been busy. She was always busy. Always.

 

Phil pushed away the scary thoughts he began having and focused on the conversation. “Nothing,” he finally answered.

 

“We should do something then. Keep the kids home from school and have a big goodbye breakfast or something.”

 

“Yeah,” Phil said. “That’d be nice.”

 

“You reheat your dinner. It’s in the fridge. I’m um… I’m gonna go let the kids know.”

 

“You sure?”

 

Dan nodded and headed out into the lounge. He knocked on the wall just inside the door, and the kids turned around to see him there.

 

“Is it already bedtime?” Matthew asked, slightly confused.

 

“Not just yet,” Dan said, sitting on the sofa. “I have to talk to you guys.”

 

Both kids picked up on how sad Dan looked. This would not be a fun conversation. Matthew took the initiative to turn off the television.

 

“So,” Dan started, “your dad’s work project is done so he’ll be back to his normal hours again. That means… I’m not going to be needed anymore.”

 

“You’re not going to be our nanny anymore?” Julie asked.

 

Dan exhaled sadly as he looked at her adorable face. “No, sweetheart, I’m not.”

 

“When’s your last day?” Matthew asked.

 

“Not until the end of the month.”

 

“You’ll still come over after that, right?” Julie asked. “Even though it’s not your job anymore?”

 

“I, erm… I won’t really be able to,” Dan admitted. “Not very often. I still have to make a living, so… I’ll probably need to go watch other kids.”

 

“But that means we’ll only see you for two more weeks,” Julie replied, her eyes shining with tears and her face already reddening.

 

“I know,” Dan said with a bittersweet smile. “I’m glad I get those two weeks but it’s not nearly enough.”

 

Julie began to breathe deeply and quickly. “Dad!!” she screamed, getting to her feet to march into the kitchen. Startled by this sudden display of emotion, Dan and Matthew followed her.

 

“Julie, it’s oka—”

 

“It is not okay!” Julie shrieked, interrupting Dan’s attempt to calm her down. Julie glared at her stunned father who stood next to the whirring microwave. “Does the word ‘family’ mean anything to you??”

 

Phil didn’t respond, frozen in place.

 

“Dan is part of our family now, Dad! He’s one of us! He’s a Lester! You can’t just let him go!”

 

“Julie,” Phil said, trying to keep his voice calm and quiet in the hope that Julie would eventually calm herself. “Dan wasn’t real family, he  _ worked _ for us. I was paying him to be here, and I can’t afford to keep him forever. And he’ll need to find more work after this.”

 

This made Julie even angrier, and her face scrunched up. The callous tone of Phil’s “it was just for the money” commentary irked even Matthew.

 

“Dad,” he chimed in, “Dan did far more for us than what you were paying him for. He’s like the big brother I never had. He… he’s helped me through more than you realize.”

 

Phil was desperate for his kids to see his side of things. He needed to feel allied with them again, but he felt stuck. “I can help you through things too, Mat—”

 

“Maybe you can, but Dan is who I felt safe talking to. Dan’s my friend, Dad!” Matthew fought tears and sniffled, trying to be strong but honestly feeling just as angry as Julie.

 

Phil felt attacked and frustrated. He wanted the kids to know he was just as sad about it as they were. He didn’t like it any more than they did. But he was being made the bad guy here. In a panic, he let the anger win more than it deserved to. “He’s not your friend, Matthew, he’s our employee! Now go to bed!”

 

“No, Dad!” Matthew snapped back. “I know I’m usually very well behaved, but this is one of those times where I need to misbehave because  _ you’re _ the one who misbehaved first!”

 

Matthew standing up for the family in such a loud and clear way was truly startling. If Matthew was acting this way, everyone could feel that he was being quite serious.

 

“Dad, what you have to understand is… Dan is… a better mother than Mum is. I know, gender roles, whatever, but… Staying with Mum pushes Dan away. And that’s a disaster, because Dan is better for us than Mum ever was.”

 

“But the money she makes is—”

 

“Dad listen to yourself. ‘The money’? Really?”

 

Phil paused.

 

Julie was still gasping and quietly sobbing, trying hard to calm herself now that Matthew had taken the lead.

 

“We all know money doesn’t matter  _ that _ much to you, Dad!” Matthew was simply livid. Neither Dan nor Phil had ever heard him so angry. “You’re staying with Mum and letting Dan’s contract end because that’s what’s easiest. But it’s  _ not _ what’s best for us. Or for you either!” Matthew took a step toward Phil and stopped yelling. “You love Dan. I know you love Dan. I can see it every day. When he’s here, you’re so happy, and when he’s not here you miss him! When he’s not around, which isn’t often, you look for excuses to mention him.” Matthew looked over at Dan. “That’s all true, by the way.”

 

Dan looked at Phil. The microwave beeped. They both chuckled. They couldn't help it.

 

Matthew looked back at Phil again. “You know he loves you too, right Dad?” he said calmly.

 

“Matthew,” Dan said.

 

“What? You’re not gonna say it out loud to a guy who’s still married. You’re too good a person to do something like that.”

 

Dan shrugged and looked down. “Fair enough.”

 

Phil gasped but not audibly. Dan loved him. Dan… actually loved him?

 

Dan looked up, into Phil’s eyes, as though hearing his thoughts. He gave a tiny smile.

 

“Don’t you see, Dad?” Julie pleaded, finally able to speak without breaking into loud sobs again. “You and Dan are like a fairy tale! Dan’s like Cinderella and you’re his Prince Charming or something! Dad, you’ve  _ got _ to be his Prince Charming. Please?”

 

And then, Olivia came home. Everyone stopped to look at her for a brief second. Olivia was busy hanging up her coat and putting her handbag down next to the study door and didn’t notice the tension in the room.

 

“Wicked stepmother incoming,” Julie muttered under her breath so her mom couldn’t hear.

 

“Julie, shush,” Dan hissed, despite finding it somewhat amusing.

 

“Hello, Dan!” Olivia said with a bright smile, completely oblivious to the drama she’d just barely missed. “Julie, Matty, come give me a hug, I feel like I never see you!”

 

The kids put on a show of being happy to see their mother.

 

“Julie, your eyes are watering!” Olivia noted. “You’ve not been crying, have you?”

 

“No,” Julie said with a sniffle. “Just allergies, I think.”

 

“I hope you’re not catching a cold. It is that time of year, I suppose. Is it not your bedtime yet?”

 

Phil checked the time. “Only just,” he said honestly. “Head on up to bed, guys.”

 

“Dan, will you come tuck us in?” Julie asked.

 

“Um… sure!” Dan said. “I’m right behind you.” He looked between Olivia and Phil, trying to get a read on the room. He could sense nothing from either of them, so he thought it safest to at least spend a bit of happy time with the kids. Maybe make them feel a bit better about this whole thing. So he followed them upstairs while Olivia walked over to the kitchen.

 

Once upstairs, he stood in the hall, to stay quiet for a bit and listen. Nothing unusual. She asked about food, he said there was some in the fridge, that he’d just reheated some for himself. She gave him a quick, friendly kiss, or perhaps he gave her one. But either way, hearing the disgusting “smack” sound of it made Dan want to sick all over the hallway. So he pushed it out of his mind and headed to Julie’s room to tuck her in.

 

“Hey, Julie,” he said.

 

“Hey.”

 

“I’m really sorry about all of this.”

 

“It’s okay. I know I was just throwing a tantrum.”

 

“It was a good tantrum though. You actually got me thinking about stuff.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. I really don’t want to leave you guys. But don’t worry, your dad already told me I could keep in touch with you guys, so maybe I’ll come over and hang out every now and then.”

 

“Really?” Julie smiled widely.

 

“Really really.” Dan smiled right back.

 

“I do wish you were our mum though. Not just because we love you so much, but because… You make Dad really happy, you know?”

 

Dan nodded. “You must really love your dad a lot to worry about his love life.”

 

“It’s just that Mum is so… not… here.”

 

“Yeah. I know what you mean. She does love you guys though.”

 

“I know. I just wish we got to see it more often.”

 

“Yeah. You deserve to.”

 

Dan turned on Julie’s TV and Roku, navigating to the YouTube app and turning on the lo-fi hip-hop channel that she often fell asleep to these days.

 

“Yay!” Julie whispered. “I really like the cat.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“On the video. The studying girl has a cat. It’s cute.”

 

Dan smiled. “Ah. Want me to leave the screen on for you then?”

 

“Please?”

 

“Okay. Here’s the remote though. You have to turn it off when you start feeling sleepy, okay?”

 

“Okaaaayy,” Julie reluctantly whined.

 

Dan walked over to the door. “Pleasant dreams, kiddo,” he said. “Love you.”

 

“Love you too, Dan. Um, Dan?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Do you really? Love us, I mean.”

 

Dan not only loved them. He knew he’d die to protect the entire family. He’d have stood in front of a moving train if it would save their lives. He would have jumped into a pit of spikes to get them out of it. If they needed his organs, he would have gladly donated all of them. He’d have spent every penny he had to make sure they could eat and have a roof over their heads. Did he love them? Yes. In the most pure, mad sense. He was amazed it had happened in only a few short months. “I do,” he replied. “I really do. I love every one of you.”

 

Julie smiled. “We really love you too.”

 

Dan smiled back before closing the door most of the way, letting some of the hallway light into her room the way she liked. He stepped over to Matthew’s room next.

 

“Hey Matty,” Dan said.

 

Matthew didn’t say anything. He just ran up to Dan and flung his arms around him. He buried his face into Dan’s shirt, and Dan could hear sniffles. Matthew’s body shook as he silently sobbed, wanting not to be heard by his parents downstairs. Dan ran his hand through Matthew’s hair.

 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t want me to go either.”

 

Matthew nodded, his head still pushed against Dan’s chest.

 

Eventually Matthew pulled away with a sniffle and looked up at Dan.

 

“Let’s make the best of these last two weeks, okay?” he said tearfully, forcing as genuine a smile as he could.

 

Dan smiled at him. “Absolutely.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING
> 
> Tell me you don’t just want to give Julie and Matty all the hugs because I certainly do.
> 
> And kudos to Phil for not actually going through with kissing Dan. He’s a man of principle. Poor guy. Anyway, comments make me happy! :D


	4. Part Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil has to deal with it when things take a turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look!! LOOK!! I finished it! I finished the fic! Now I can write all the other stuff in my brain :D
> 
> A massive, massive thank you to everyone in the Word War chats who helped me get this chapter done. Thank you to everyone who commented about the fic on tumblr. And thank you all, dear readers, for wanting more of this fic and being so patient in the time between updates. You all mean the world to me. :)
> 
> (This chapter includes a detailed description of a panic attack, proceed with caution if you need to!)

Phil watched as Dan followed the children upstairs. Dan, he decided, had a very cute butt. There wasn’t much to it, but it was certainly nice, and it wiggled adorably as he walked up the stairs. His shoulders shifted as his arms moved, his entire body looking delicate but powerful. This was attractive to look at, yes, but Phil couldn’t help but see Dan’s form as a metaphor for who he was as a person. Here was a man who nurtured and cared for people, and was strong enough to do it well. His body as it moved seemed to reflect all these aspects of him.

 

Phil smiled to himself, barely perceptibly, as Olivia rifled through the fridge to retrieve her own meal. When she tried to squeeze past him, he returned to reality, muttered the obligatory apology, and took his food out of the microwave to make room for hers. She smiled as she put her food on the microwave turntable, and Phil gave her a quick kiss as she closed the little door. She didn’t stop smiling though -- her lips remained taut, even as she leaned into him slightly.

 

She didn’t kiss back.

 

Phil frowned. She was probably just stressed and exhausted. It wasn’t as though they were incredibly affectionate these days; these little kisses weren’t the automatic habit they once were. But the leaning she did… Phil let himself be briefly concerned about how deliberate her actions seemed before he began eating his now slightly cooled leftovers. Dan’s cooking, even reheated and already getting cold again, was delicious. He’d gotten steadily better over the course of his time working for the Lesters, and Phil couldn’t help but smile upon tasting it.

 

“Good?” Olivia asked.

 

“Yeah, very good. I’m going to miss Dan’s cooking.”

 

“Miss it?”

 

“Yeah,” Phil explained, his tone somewhat regretful of course. “I’m done with the documentary edit, so I went ahead and let Dan go. His last day is the 31st.”

 

“Oh,” Olivia said, her eyebrows raised. “I’ll be sad to see him go.”

 

_ She hadn’t kissed him back. _

 

“Will you?” Phil asked unthinkingly.

 

“Hm?”

 

Phil paused to look at his wife, who looked quite distant somehow. She didn’t look any different than she usually did, but her usual appearance had somehow been reframed entirely. He wasn’t sure it wasn’t his imagination. Her eyes looked further away, her color was all desaturated. He noticed more sinister shadows on her face where she’d seemed like a perfectly beautiful doll before. And yet she didn’t actually look different. The same facial expressions, the same hair, the same eyes. Just… less  _ her. _

 

Phil found himself a bit confused and distressed, but not definitively so. He put his plate and fork down on the counter. He looked at her, then down at his hands that were leaning against the edge of the counter, and then back up at her again.

 

“I like him, Olivia,” he confessed. It was more like a taunt, really; Phil daring Olivia to admit that she perhaps didn't love Phil or the kids enough to feel threatened by Dan. He rather needed her to. For science, perhaps.

 

Olivia looked at him, her expression blank and unreadable. “I know,” she said very neutrally. “I can tell. But I don’t blame you. He’s very attractive, after all, and I know I’m not here often so naturally you’ve been a bit lonely. Of course there’s going to be temptation. But I also know you’re a good man and you wouldn’t cheat. I trust you. So to answer your question: yes, of course I’ll be sad to see him go. The kids love him, the house is the tidiest it’s ever been, and his cooking is definitely good.”

 

The microwave beeped.

 

Phil’s brow furrowed. He hadn't expected that response, which superficially made it seem as though Olivia loved him too much to be jealous. But… Phil never ever  _ felt _ that love from her anymore. The whole exchange wasn't sitting right with him. It seemed somehow entirely incongruous with reality. “You  _ trust _ me?”

 

“Yes.” Olivia retrieved her leftovers and took them over to the table. She grabbed a catalog out of the mail pile and flipped through it as she ate, and Phil stared in disbelief at her apparent total detachment. She trusted him not to cheat? The feeling that took hold of him just then was an odd combination of fear, confusion, and indignance, seasoned liberally with the love he still felt for her. Like he was being held hostage in his own marriage.

 

“Okay then,” Phil said, and continued eating. Not another word was exchanged between them that night. Not even when, for the first time in months, they got into bed at the same time.

 

***

 

When Dan got home, every emotion he’d been holding inside himself in the name of professionalism in front of Olivia Lester came spilling out. Or perhaps ‘exploding’ would be a more accurate description. As soon as his front door was closed, he sobbed. The first few sobs were quiet and reserved, but soon his voice felt as though it was being pulled out of him by force. He grabbed a sofa cushion, digging his nails into the fabric, and shoved it over his face so he could scream into it with all the fiery anger and sorrow of a mortally injured wolf.

 

With that out of his system, he put the cushion back down to breathe and think.

 

He’d be able to keep in contact with Matthew and Julie. This was good. But that would necessarily mean seeing Phil and being able to do no more than see. It would mean seeing Phil still married to his unloving wife. It would mean seeing Phil lonely and miserable.

 

Dan closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He felt so helpless. He wanted to tell Phil everything he knew. That Olivia didn’t want to work fewer hours. That she was working so much on purpose, to avoid talking to Phil. That she didn’t love him.

 

She had agreed that Phil was a good man. But apparently she didn’t agree that he deserved better.

 

Dan had no way of approaching this situation without looking like he had a selfish agenda. ‘Phil,’ he’d say, ‘your wife doesn’t love you.’ ‘Of course she does,’ Phil would say back. ‘You’re only saying that to split us up so you can have me for yourself. How dare you. I trusted you.’

 

And then Dan would never get to see the kids again, at the very least. He couldn’t bear the thought of it.

 

All Dan could do was try to spend the next two weeks loving those kids as much as they deserved. Maybe eventually he’d get over Phil. He had to hope so. Otherwise he’d go mad.

 

But there were more pressing concerns right now. Like the new job Dan now needed. Even in the face of romantic turmoil, the world continued turning and practical concerns still needed to be addressed. He thanked the universe for the distraction.

 

***

 

Dan unfortunately couldn’t do anything that would bring him and the children outdoors, like a zoo visit or a picnic or a trip to Alton Towers. But he knew these kids were creative, so he found something to do that he’d always wanted to try but hadn’t had the opportunity.

 

“Pottery Cafe?” Julie said, reading the sign outside the shop.

 

“Pottery Cafe,” Dan replied with a nod, looking far more assured than he felt.

 

“Okay,” Matthew said. “I’m curious, I have to admit.”

 

Dan smiled and escorted the kids inside. The walls were lined with pure white ceramic items of all sorts. They could see not only the teapots, plant pots, and decorative pots they expected, but also cups and plates and bowls and even a skull with an eyepatch over one eye socket. The kids lit up as they looked at piggy banks, blank tiles, unicorns, and a dozen other things calling out to be painted.

 

“Hello there!” a kind-looking saleswoman said as she approached them. “Will you three be painting with us today?”

 

“Yes,” Dan replied. “How exactly does it work? I haven’t been here before.”

 

As the saleswoman gave the usual pitch, explaining the process -- six pound ninety-nine per person plus the cost of pottery, paint as many as you want using the paints available there, come back tomorrow to pick them up once they’ve been fired -- the kids studied some finished pieces that sat in a row on their own shelf, waiting for their creators to retrieve them. Dan glanced over and could see the light in their eyes at the idea of expressing themselves in a whole new way they hadn’t even thought of.

 

“Alright guys, one thing each,” Dan said once he knew how this was all going to go down. “Choose whatever you like!”

 

Julie chose a small piggy bank with no hesitation. Matthew, however, looked at several items but his eyes kept returning to the row of unicorn heads. Dan, holding a blank tile he’d chosen for himself, approached and crouched down next to him.

 

“I meant it, Matty,” Dan said. “Choose whatever you like.”

 

Matthew still looked doubtful and nervous.

 

“I dunno,” he said. “What if one of my mates comes over and they see a unicorn on my shelf?” Matthew sighed.

 

“You never  _ have _ to show anyone. Hide it in a box under your bed if you like. Keep it a cheeky little secret, knowing that something special to you is hidden somewhere only you can find it. This is all about doing what  _ you _ want, what  _ you _ like. Expressing yourself.”

 

“Isn’t it bad if I can’t show people something that’s, y’know… me?”

 

Dan shook his head. “Of course not. It’s true, sometimes we hide things about ourselves because we’re ashamed, and that’s something to try and work past. But sometimes we have to hide things about ourselves that are important in order to protect those things. In order to stay true to who we are. Eventually those things can come out safely, maybe, but... often, especially when we’re young, those things are just too fragile. And that’s okay. I mean…” Dan pointed at one of the unicorns lined up on the shelf. “This is ceramic. It can break. It’s definitely fragile. If you decide to hide it to keep it safe, that makes all the sense in the world. If you genuinely want to paint something else, then you're certainly welcome to. But if this is what speaks to you, if this is what  _ you _ choose to paint, then you should.”

 

Matthew smiled and gave Dan a hug. Then, summoning all his bravery, he took the unicorn head off the shelf and took it over to the work table.

 

The saleswoman showed them how to paint the pottery using sponges, brushes, and other tools. She showed them how to paint evenly and how to create patterns. She even showed them different types of paints and glazes and what they could do, using finished pieces to demonstrate the effects. Dan knew exactly how he wanted his ceramic tile to be painted, but it required reference material, so he got his phone out to look up an image to copy and got started excitedly.

 

Julie’s piggy bank was mostly yellow, but was also covered in various pastel-colored pound signs and numerals. Matthew’s unicorn had a more traditionally unicornesque appearance; a gold horn, a white face that would apparently become iridescent upon firing, and mane with three wide stripes: pink, purple, and blue. Dan and Matthew shared knowing grins with one another.

 

When they retrieved their pieces the next day, the pieces were now glossy and the colors much brighter. Matthew was so delighted upon seeing his colorful iridescent unicorn, he could barely contain his excitement. His joy was infectious. The saleswoman grinned at them.

 

“Your kids are an absolute joy,” she said to Dan.

 

“Oh, they're not-- I'm just--”

 

“He's our stepfather!” Julie said with a voice that was far too loud. She flung her arms around Dan's midsection and smiled brightly, first at the saleswoman, then Dan. Unable to resist, he mussed up her hair and she giggled. He smiled down at her, wishing her words were true.

 

Once they got home, Matthew put his unicorn on his shelf, much to Dan’s surprise.

 

“Are you sure?” Dan asked.

 

Matthew nodded. “I think… my friends who would make fun of this aren’t the friends I would let into my room in the first place. If they can’t respect me for who I am, then I don’t need them in my space.” He looked at his painted ceramic figure and grinned brightly. “I’m proud of this. It’s beautiful.”

 

Dan’s eyes filled with tears as he filled with pride. “Matty,” he said, “you’re the coolest kid I know.”

 

“Aww,” Matthew said with a warm grin, tilting his head slightly. “Don’t lie.”

 

Dan laughed, making it easy to dry his eyes.

 

***

 

That weekend, Dan joined the family for what began as an informal game night. What started as a game of Heads Up quickly turned into unstructured pretend play, and Olivia lost interest in the new directionless format of things, so she decided to answer some emails.

 

Dan and Phil moved some furniture to open up the floor a little. Phil asked Olivia if he could borrow her yoga mats, and she grunted a vague “sure” while barely looking up.

 

“Mummy, look!” Julie called at one point. Olivia looked up from her tablet to see Julie do a poorly-executed but endearingly wonky tripod headstand. 

 

She gave a half-smile and shook her head. “That's great, sweetie,” she said, looking right back down at her emails.

 

“Be careful,” Dan said to Julie with an amused giggle, hurrying over to grab her feet before she could flip over backwards and hurt herself.

 

Julie laughed. “Thank you!”

 

“The blood rushing to your head yet?” he asked.

 

“Not yet! Oh, wait… okay, yeah.”

 

Dan laughed and eased her feet down so she could sit up straight and her circulatory system could operate as designed.

 

Phil watched Dan playing with Julie, then kept watching as he shifted his attention to Matthew. Dan was so attentive and carefree, so focused on making sure the kids were having fun and were safe. That only made sense, Phil thought; Dan's time with them was almost up, and he was making the best of it. It didn’t necessarily signify anything lasting or substantial. He was just doing his job, and making it special before it ended.

 

But then Phil remembered “Danellus” dead on the floor, and Julie’s little scare on Halloween, and Matthew’s recount of Dan’s support when his sexuality began coming into focus, and every other time Dan had been actively attentive and supportive to the kids. Matthew and Julie had already pointed it out: Dan had gone far above and beyond what was expected of a nanny or a babysitter. Dan didn’t just watch the kids. He loved them. That much was very clear.

 

And, finally, Phil looked at his utterly disengaged wife, hunched over her tablet, typing away, utterly unaware of the room outside her chair and screen. Over the last few months her detachment had only gotten worse. As his questions about her job got more plentiful, her answers got shorter; as he leaned in for more kisses, she returned fewer of them; as he told her he loved her more often, she was more silent.

 

Suddenly, he knew. He remembered talking to Dan about how Olivia wasn’t going to marriage counseling. He remembered that most of the conversations of any dept he had with Olivia were arguments. He thought about that increased distance between them. And it all led him to one obvious and near-certain conclusion: Olivia did not love him. Not only was their marriage not working, he was honestly the only one who wanted to make it work.

 

Phil gulped. All at once a hundred thoughts went through his head, centered around how he could possibly save his marriage and how scary it would be if he couldn’t. He felt nauseous. He couldn’t breathe. The entire world suddenly looked like a dream, and not in a fun way. His vision began to reduce to a single point right in front of him and as the darkness encroached he made fists to try and stop his hands from shaking.

 

“Phil?” Dan said, currently crouched down to help Matthew with whichever move he was trying but distracted by Phil’s terrifyingly sick appearance.

 

Phil's eyes met his. “Hm?”

 

“You're pale. Not like normal pale for you, like sick pale. You okay?”

 

“Oh, yeah, fine,” Phil insisted, putting on a happy face. Everything still looked like a dream. Colors were too bright, edges too sharp and somehow jagged, and the world went from three dimensions to two. And yet, he continued to reassure Dan. “Nothing wrong at all.”

 

Dan knew that was a lie, but it wasn't polite to pry, so he didn’t. There was clearly something up, though. He knew what an anxiety attack looked like. And it looked like how Phil looked right then. But helping Phil through this was beyond Dan’s right or capability.

 

So Dan nodded, and forced himself to stand up in preparation to leave. “Well, tonight's been exhausting,” he said. “I should head home now to make sure I get enough sleep.”

 

“Aww!” the kids groaned.

 

Dan smiled at them. “I'll see you guys tomorrow” he said. He walked past Phil to retrieve his jacket, but Phil tugged on Dan's shirt to get his attention.

 

“Can I text you later?” he asked in a whisper when Dan looked down at him.

 

“Of course,” Dan replied warmly but quietly. “Always.”

 

Phil nodded and let Dan go.

 

***

 

He didn't text him though. Unable to face the reality of his marriage really truly genuinely crumbling, he did his best to ignore it. The dread in the pit of Phil's stomach overrode everything else he felt in smaller proportion: concern for how much the kids may have noticed, excitement over possibly kissing Dan in the future, wondering how much nearby real estate would cost him, and vague thoughts about starting up one of those YouTube channels to perhaps supplement his income.

 

He knew some of his panic was unreasonable. But if he got a divorce his entire world would be upended, and he was not comfortable with that. Sure, things weren't perfect or amazing, but they were comfortable as they were. He found that even the lack of affection from Olivia had become a simple, predictable fact of his existence and, he reasoned, better the devil you know than the devil you don't. He was not equipped to handle so drastic a change as divorce and all the trappings thereof. No, he would suffer quietly. He would grin and bear the pain and loneliness.

 

He continued this charade inside his own mind for days and days. He shut off his emotions as best he could, trying not to acknowledge his misery. Dan, however, saw it all and was not okay with it. It had been far too many days of Dan going to the Lester family home, playing with the kids and helping them with their projects and work, and watching from afar as Phil kept pursuing Olivia’s affection and Olivia continued ignoring him. Phil’s face grew sadder and sadder, his countenance slowly sinking like a neglected hot air balloon that once flew so optimistically high but now lay lifeless on the ground. He went pale with fear and worry more days than he didn’t. Knowing it wasn’t his fight, Dan said nothing for as long as he could stand.

 

Then, on the 29th, Dan decided enough was enough.

 

**Dan Howell**

you okay?

 

**Phil Lester**

Why are you texting me? You're sat right there.

 

**Dan Howell**

because olivia is here and could hear us if we talked

and i suspect she’s the problem

i know you're not ok

 

**Phil Lester**

I’m not.

I'm scared

 

**Dan Howell**

of what?

 

Phil typed out multiple responses before deleting them and trying again— everything from “I don’t know” to “I’ve been having visions of the end of the world whenever I fall asleep.” But eventually he sighed, closed his eyes, and decided to be honest 

 

**Phil Lester**

divorce.

 

Instinctually excited by the idea of Phil being available, Dan's face brightened ever so slightly. He caught himself in the middle of it and relaxed his expression back to something more indifferent. Not entirely successfully perhaps, but he got it to where he could disguise it as optimism or support. He watched his phone as Phil completed his explanation.

 

**Phil Lester**

I don’t think Olivia loves me.

Honestly I’m almost completely certain she doesn’t.

 

Dan, of course, had already known this for some time. But he still felt sympathetic toward Phil, who was apparently just now discovering it despite all the signs.

 

**Dan Howell**

can we talk outside?

 

**Phil Lester**

But it’s freezing!

 

**Dan Howell**

then I’ll warm you up with the art of conversation

get your damn coat on

 

Phil got up, and so did Dan, and they got their coats. 

 

“I’m going out to talk with your dad,” Dan said to the kids, “and then I’m off for the night. It’s just about bedtime so you guys get ready to go to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

 

“You’re not gonna tuck us in?” Julie asked.

 

Dan gave her a regretful but calming smile. “Not tonight, sweetheart. But don’t worry, there are still two more days for that.”

 

Julie and Matthew gave Dan a hug. Dan kissed them on their heads and told them goodnight and bye and see-you-tomorrow, and Dan and Phil stepped outside in their nice warm coats.

 

The entire time, Phil kept expecting Olivia to ask where they were going or what they were doing. She did not.

 

***

 

“Are they having a fight?” Julie asked Matthew once they got to the top of the stairs.

 

“I don’t think so,” Matthew said, but what he meant was “I hope not.”

 

“He only has two more days with us,” Julie said. “What if Dad doesn’t fall in love with him in time?”

 

“I don’t know. I guess we’ll just have to keep trying every time Dan visits us.”

 

“Do you think he really will? Come visit, I mean?”

 

“He promised me he would, the other night before bed. I believe him.”

 

Julie nodded, trying to feel reassured. She couldn’t help but feel like this countdown was a serious one. Didn’t the universe realize that something was ending, and the very serious matter of Dan and Phil falling in love needed to be resolved first?

 

Julie went to bed quite grumpy indeed. She wanted her fairy tale ending. It seemed unfair to more than just her that she might not get it.

 

***

 

Meanwhile, Dan and Phil were outside, shivering from the combination of cold and nervousness. Dan’s stomach tightened, and he hoped beyond all hope that Phil was ready to hear this.

 

“Phil, I have to tell you something.”

 

Phil waited attentively, saying nothing, for Dan to explain.

 

“Olivia… back on Halloween, she…” Dan wrestled with how much truth to reveal. “She told me that she wasn't putting any real effort into talking to her boss. And that she was doing it on purpose because...”

 

Phil looked at Dan quizzically. He’d known this much, but Dan was still nervous.

 

“What is it?” Phil urged him on.

 

“Because she didn’t want to face you and be forced to talk about...” Dan took a breath to calm himself. “About how she doesn’t love you anymore.”

 

Phil sighed and his shoulders dropped. To Dan he almost seemed relieved rather than frustrated or disappointed. This should have been devastating news, but Phil now knew his suspicions were correct and that relaxed him more than it hurt.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Phil asked. From his tone, it was clear that he already had a good idea of the answer to that question.

 

“Would you have believed me?” Dan asked. “This young nanny shows up, gives you flirty eyes, starts saying things like ‘your wife doesn’t love you?’ I mean, what would you have thought of me?”

 

“...Flirty eyes?” Phil pointed out with a smirk.

 

“Missing the point here,” Dan said, smirking right back. “But yeah, I mean… I wanted to tell you. Not even because I like you, which I really do, but because… You deserve to be happy.” A sweet sadness coated his words like honey. “You know that, right?”

 

Phil responded with a bitter chuckle. “Yeah, I guess. As a person, I deserve happiness as much as anyone else does.”

 

“No,” Dan said pointedly. “Not just as much as anyone else. That’s not what I mean.”

 

They gazed into each other's eyes, and Dan stepped closer to him. He put one hand on Phil's cheek.

 

“You're so kind, Phil,” he said. “And hard-working, and loving, almost to a fault. You're sweet and imaginative and talented and… you deserve  _ so much _ happiness.” He stroked Phil’s cheek with his thumb and resisted with great difficulty the urge to kiss him. “You're an incredible employee, an incredible father,  _ and _ an incredible husband even though your wife doesn’t seem to notice it. Phil… you deserve love. You deserve to be loved passionately and all-consumingly. The sort of love that only comes from someone who understands and appreciates who you are, and who knows what you have to offer, and who doesn’t take it for granted.  _ Proper _ ridiculous romantic love. And... from me, at least, you certainly have that.”

 

_ Wait. _ Dan loved him?  _ Is that what he just said? It was. Oh my god, it was. _

 

Phil's eyes glistened with tears as he looked into Dan's.

 

“You know I can't leave Olivia for you though,” Phil said regretfully. “I mean, how would that look? And I’d feel so guilty, I--”

 

Dan interrupted Phil with a chuckle, shaking his head. Phil was still missing the point in his own endearing way. “Don't leave her for me,” he said. “Leave her for _ you _ .”

 

And that was when Dan dropped his hand from Phil’s face and kissed the cheek underneath.

 

Phil stood still, his eyebrows lifted slightly, and looked at Dan’s eyes, which sparkled but otherwise looked nearly black in the moonlight of the evening. There was a blue cast over him, and it made Phil feel like he was in a movie scene.

 

He suddenly felt as though he’d been standing by a fire for years that had gone from cozy and warm to painfully burning so gradually that he hadn’t noticed the change until Dan came with this cooling ocean wave of a revelation that Phil deserved the sort of love Olivia was not giving him anymore.

 

It hit him hard. It relieved his pain at all once, but disoriented him when it quite literally swept him off his feet.

 

He noticed Dan take a step back. It was probably about time for him to head home, he knew, but he didn’t want him to go.

 

“I’m scared though,” Phil confessed.

 

“Of course you are,” Dan said reassuringly. “Change is scary. And, yeah, sometimes it feels like the only way to relieve pain is to ignore it. But this pain has a cause and a cure. And you deserve to feel better. Just… keep that in mind, okay?”

 

Phil nodded, feeling the memory of Dan’s hand pressed against his cheek. Dan turned around to walk away, but looked back over his shoulder at Phil and smiled. Phil gave him a wave, Dan waved back, and Phil watched him head home.

 

Still a cute butt.

  
He laughed at himself and headed back inside.

 

***

 

The next day, of course, was Phil’s birthday. So Dan decided to wear his nicest jumper and a brand new pair of black jeans in which, even as hard on his own appearance as he was, he thought he looked quite fetching. It wasn’t like he had any plans to flirt with Phil or put any moves on him today -- certainly not with Olivia home! -- but he did want to look his best.

 

His gift for Phil was the tile he’d painted at Pottery Cafe. It was yellow and had tiny ruler marks on the left and right sides with tiny numbers demarcating lengths. In the middle, in big cheesy ornate letters, it said “Practically Perfect in Every Way.” He wrapped it up in tissue paper and taped it up before putting it into a blue box with a ribbon pre-attached to the lid. He put his coat on and headed over to the Lesters’.

 

Phil answered the door, and his expression was immediately one of relief upon seeing Dan. The last time he’d seen him, the blue-tinged darkness of the night had washed him out. But now, Dan looked like a ray of sunshine dressed in black. The most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Dan held out the little blue box and Phil took it, just as Olivia walked by.

 

“Hello, Dan!” she chirped. “Lovely to see you.”

 

“Hello, Olivia.”

 

“Oh, you got him a gift!” she said, as though this were an unexpected thing to do. “What a sweet gesture.”

 

“It is his birthday, after all,” Dan said, invisible hatred dripping from his mouth.

 

“I’m sorry, Phil,” Olivia said to her husband, because that was the line her script called for. “I’ve been so busy, I hadn’t had a chance to pick up anything yet. Do you have anything you want? I can get it for you on my way home tomorrow.”

 

Dan and Phil were both put off by this question. It was as though she thought of a birthday gift as an errand to run rather than a thoughtful, loving gesture.

 

“I can’t think of anything,” Phil replied, with as much phony sweetness as she’d used. His words were honest, though; if she didn’t want to give him a gift, he didn’t want to receive one. “Just the pleasure of your company is all I need.”

 

She patted him on the shoulder, smiled a saccharine smile, and headed back to the kitchen where food was waiting. It had been Olivia’s job to make dinner for the occasion, but she had neglected to do so. The result was some Greek takeout, which Phil had requested. 

 

Once Olivia had distributed the food from their polystyrene containers onto proper plates, the family sat around the table eating more or less joyfully. It was a day to celebrate Phil, and Phil was a person worth celebrating.

 

“So what did you and your dad do today?” Dan asked the kids.

 

“We played pretend,” Julie said. “I was the evil dictator of a small island nation, and Matty and Dad were competing for land I hadn’t taken over yet.”

 

“Let me guess,” Dan said, “you killed them both and took the land for yourself?”

 

“Yup!” Julie said with a smug grin.

 

Dan shook his head at the rather disturbing level of pride she displayed.

 

Phil shrugged nervously, feeling the same apprehension regarding Julie that Dan was. “I mean, at least she  _ knows _ it’s evil,” he offered.

 

“Fair enough,” Dan agreed.

 

“We got pizza for lunch, too,” Matthew said, highlighting his own favorite part of the day.

 

“Yeah,” Phil said. “We try to eat healthy all the time. Pizza felt like a nice change of pace.”

 

“I’m sorry I missed that!” Dan said honestly. “You should have called me to come over early.”

 

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time,” Phil replied.

 

Neither Dan nor Phil missed how excited and optimistic the kids looked. “Next time.” The best two words they’d ever heard. Dan felt calm all of a sudden.

 

Soon enough it was time for cake — the kids had baked it themselves and it was, miraculously, structurally sound and moist, its flavor mild and perfectly edible — and presents. Phil got one gift each from Dan, Julie, and Matthew. The kids gave him a hand-drawn Mario wall hanging covered in glitter and a pair of rainbow-colored socks. It should be fairly easy to guess which gift came from which child.

 

Phil opened the blue box from Dan to see the yellow tile proclaiming that he measured up to perfection, and Phil smiled that particular type of smile that can only be described as “loving.”

 

“Dan, this is… Perfect.” He laughed at his inability to come up with any other word for it. “Absolutely perfect. Thank you.”

 

Dan and Phil shared a quiet moment of mutual gratitude for one another. That feeling of calm was back again, deeper and sweeter and more all-encompassing. It lasted for a grand total of three seconds, because at four seconds, Olivia spoke again as though the bite she’d just taken of cake suddenly reminded her of some very important information.

 

“Oh, Phil darling, I’ve got another trip coming up.”

 

“Oh?” Phil said, turning toward his wife. “Where to?”

 

“A client office in Berlin. Or a prospective client, I should say.”

 

“Ah. When’s the trip?”

 

“The tenth until the eighteenth.”

 

“Long one,” Phil said, after swallowing the bite of cake in his mouth. “And… over Valentine’s day, then?” His tone was been disappointed but curious. He then counted the days of the week and noticed something interesting. The rhythm of his speech slowed. “And the following weekend, as well, if my math is correct.”

 

“Um.” Olivia cleared her throat. “Yes.” She took a sip of her water to disguise her nervousness. It didn’t work.

 

The entire table went quiet. Phil put down his fork and leaned back in his chair. He stared at her, his expression confused at first, then in seconds it morphed into something coldly angry, as though a switch had flipped.

 

For you see, in those few short seconds, Phil had done some further mental arithmetic. The facts were as follows, as Phil saw them: Olivia worked very long hours at the office, and yet inexplicably still needed to work when she was home. Her “business trips” often went over New Year’s Eve, the second most romantic holiday of the year. Now, she had a trip going over the most romantic holiday of the year. She’d become more distant from him and the kids recently, seemingly on purpose. She didn’t kiss back. They scarcely spoke. And the thing that really bothered Phil was the idea that she was seemingly too afraid to talk to her boss about how overworked she was. She’d never been the type to be afraid to speak her mind, and yet this was somehow a huge issue for her. And when Phil offered to send an e-mail to help, she insisted he not do so. And that was because, Phil now realized, there was nothing to talk to her boss  _ about. _ His unwillingness to hire new people, and her anxiety about addressing it, had been a lie; a cover story allowing her to stay away from home for as long as she wanted.

 

Her absence had little, if anything, to do with her job.

 

Because Phil could think of only one thing that made sense. Only one thing added up.

 

Matthew, Julie, and Dan could see in Phil’s eyes the precise moment when he snapped, and the marriage was officially, entirely, over.

 

“What’s his name, then?” Phil asked.

 

Olivia gulped. The jig was up. Everything she’d been afraid would happen was now happening, and there was nothing she could do but accept it.

 

Dan took this as his cue to get the kids out of the crossfire. He quietly corralled them over to the lounge and closed the door to it. Olivia watched the kids be taken out of the room and, effectively, out of her life. Phil never looked away from Olivia, his eyes shooting into hers like spears of ice, daring her to have another explanation for the misery he’d gone through for… he didn’t even know how long anymore.

 

“David,” she said simply.

 

Phil nodded, his eyes dropping to the table. He’d never been so unhappy to be right.

 

“How long?” he asked without looking at her.

 

Olivia was quiet when she answered, “Two years.”

 

This was a shorter time than he expected. Of course, even when he met Olivia she’d been a bit of a workaholic, and he saw that in action. From this information, Phil was able to construct a narrative in his mind that made sense: She had a demanding period of time at work (perhaps similar to Phil’s recent sudden crunch), and eventually she’d worked so many hours that she spent more time with David than with Phil; flirtation happened, and then maybe a drunken or stress-filled night at the office led to things Phil didn’t want to think about in detail. Olivia knew her workaholism was a safe excuse, so she used it in order to keep seeing this “David” person, and poor Phil was none the wiser.

 

Phil wasn’t sure why he bothered putting a story together in his head. Perhaps just because completing the story made it easier to accept as reality. Regardless, he only had one more thing to say to her. He raised his head to look at her, satisfied to see her own head bowed in shame. “You asked what I wanted for my birthday, Olivia.”

 

Olivia looked up at him, knowing what was coming before he even said it.

 

“I want a divorce.”

 

***

 

“What’s going on in there?” Julie wondered aloud, trying to peek through the lounge door’s glass panel into the somewhat obscured dining room. She was mystified by the fact that they weren’t yelling at each other. The conversation, from where she sat, seemed mostly very calm.

 

“Julie, shush!” Matthew said. “I’m trying to see if I can hear anything.”

 

“Stop trying to eavesdrop,” Dan said. “It’s impolite. Whatever’s going on, I’m sure they’ll tell us. Or at least they’ll tell us what they’re okay with us knowing.”

 

“D’you think Mum is actually cheating on Dad?” Julie said, her voice laced with the delicious poison of gossip.

 

“Julie,” Dan said, his voice in parent-mode.

 

“It’s a perfectly reasonable question,” she replied.

 

“I reckon she probably is,” Matthew answered. “It would explain an awful lot. I mean, who works that much?”

 

“She might not be,” Dan said, hoping Olivia wouldn’t hurt Phil like that, but also selfishly hoping she’d done just that.

 

“If she is cheating on him, they’ll probably get divorced,” Julie said excitedly. She turned to Dan. “And then you can be our Mum instead!”

 

Dan couldn’t help but smile at her imaginative optimism, though he was reluctant to get his own hopes up. Besides, if Phil was getting a divorce, he’d need the support of a friend like Dan. It wouldn’t be right for Dan to just swoop in and take Olivia’s place immediately. As much as he wanted to be these kids’ stepfather, it felt like a massive overstep to acknowledge it aloud at this point.

 

Matthew, sensing Dan’s reticence, sat beside him. “He does love you,” he said simply. “He’s only stayed with Mum because he was worried about how it would look if he left her for you.”

 

“And how do you know all this?” Dan asked.

 

“Because I know him! I’ve literally known Dad my whole life, you know.”

 

Dan snickered. “Can’t argue that.”

 

“He’s always worried about the ‘optics’ of everything. He uses that word a lot. Drives me bananas, honestly. But I can relate, I guess... it’s hard for us to go after what we want if we’re worried about how it’ll look. Anyway, he felt he had to make an effort with Mum. And... he did. And now we know she didn’t. Now, if he gets a divorce, everyone will know it was the right thing to do. So now I think he’ll do it.”

 

Dan nodded. He watched Phil and Olivia talking through the glass of the lounge door. He hoped Phil was okay. Or, if he wasn’t, that he would be eventually.

 

“You two don’t seem very bothered by all this,” he said to the kids.

 

Julie shrugged. “We’ve been wanting him to leave Mum for ages,” she said.

 

“Yeah,” Matthew said. “I’ve been looking up articles about it and showing them to him, Julie and I’ve both been trying to drop hints… but we’re just kids. I s’pose he was never going to listen to us. But then you came along.”

 

“Me?” Dan said.

 

“Yeah. You showed him what it felt like to actually be, y’know… loved.”

 

“We’re really glad you were so kind to him,” Julie said. “And to us. And it doesn’t hurt that you’re so cute, either.”

 

“Julie,” Matthew said with a glare.

 

“What? He is! You have eyes, look at him.”

 

“I’m not gonna call my future stepfather cute. It’s weird.”

 

A blushing Dan laughed and shook his head. In all the best ways, they hadn’t changed.

 

Just then Olivia stood up from the table and went upstairs, drawing Dan’s attention away from the scheming children. Phil put his elbows on the table and dropped his head into his hands. His shoulders shook once, then twice. Dan, immediately struck with concern for the broken man at the table, felt his eyes start to sting. He reached for his phone in his pocket and sent Phil a text.

 

**Dan Howell**

do you need a minute or can I come out?

 

**Phil Lester**

Wait just a few more minutes.

Once you see her walk out with a suitcase, then you can come out.

I think I’m going to need you and the kids.

 

“Oh my god,” Dan muttered. “He… he kicked her out.”

 

“Yes!” Matty said under his breath.

 

“Finally,” Julie said, rolling her eyes.

 

**Phil Lester**

I feel like such an idiot.

 

**Dan Howell**

you’re not.

 

Dan saw Phil hovering his thumbs over his phone screen, but he ultimately sighed and put his phone down. He started crying again. Dan frowned, feeling helpless, which he hated.

 

After what felt like an eternity, Olivia came downstairs lugging a large suitcase behind her, the  _ thunk thunk thunk _ of it awkwardly hitting each step behind her reverberating through the whole house. Almost as though she were being irritatingly noisy on purpose. Phil stood from the table and said something to her. She said something angrily back, but Dan and the kids couldn’t make it out. They could plainly hear Phil’s reply though.

 

“Get the hell out of my house!”

 

Olivia stomped out the front door, slamming it theatrically behind her as she left. Phil dropped to his knees, ultimately sitting on the floor, exhausted and angry and wondering how on earth he didn’t see it earlier. She’d betrayed him, and he’d been so kind and understanding to her. He felt foolish. More than that, he felt like he’d cheated himself and his kids out of years of actual happiness, ignoring years of “that doesn’t seem quite right… but okay” feelings in the name of keeping his family together. And where had that got him?

 

He was going to have to find a new house now. He couldn’t afford to keep this one. And that was the thought that broke his tear ducts open once again.

 

At the first sound of loud sobbing, Dan and the kids rushed out of the lounge and over to his side. Dan dropped to the ground and wrapped his arms around Phil, and the kids piled on too.

 

“It’s okay, Phil,” Dan whispered. “It’s okay. We’re here.”

 

“Your family’s here, Dad,” Julie said, trying to hold back tears herself.

 

Phil’s crying quieted gradually until his tears had dried up and his sobbing voice had died away.

 

***

 

The children had gone to bed already. Dan had tucked them in and promised them a better day tomorrow. They needed no such promises to be satisfied for the night— they were happy he was there to tuck them in.

 

And now Dan was sitting on the sofa watching television with Phil, just as he had been thirty days before. And they were drinking wine together, just as they had been thirty days before. And Dan wanted to kiss Phil badly, just as he had thirty days before. But the kiss he wanted to give this time was of a different nature entirely.

 

Dan snuck glance after glance at Phil, checking on him. Had he started crying again? Always no. Was he looking back over at him? Also always no. It also seemed Phil was not paying attention to the television, so at least they had that in common.

 

Then, seemingly apropos of nothing, Phil leaned his head on Dan’s shoulder and curled his legs up on the sofa. He handed his mostly empty wine glass to Dan, who set it down on the end table. Dan expected him to start crying, but he didn’t.

 

Dan set his own wine glass down and started softly combing his fingers through Phil’s hair.

 

“That’s nice,” Phil exhaled.

 

Dan smiled down at him. He wanted to say so much — that he loved Phil, that Phil was beautiful, that he hoped Phil was doing okay. But he didn’t. Phil was the one going through something right now, so any movement forward had to be led by him. Dan was happy to stay by his side for the ride, however long it lasted, even if it ended without him.

 

“Am I an idiot?” Phil suddenly said, snapping Dan back to the real world.

 

“For what?”

 

“Staying. Believing her. I don’t know.”

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Phil,” Dan said, his voice like a lullaby. “You wanted to keep your family together. A relationship is a promise. She’s the one who broke that promise. You worked hard to keep it.”

 

Phil gave a bitter chuckle. “You have no idea.”

 

Dan furrowed his brow. “Hm?”

 

Phil sat up and looked at Dan. “This… is probably the wrong time to say this. But… it also feels like the exact right time, if that makes any sense.”

 

Dan shook his head. “Not really…?”

 

Phil used the remote to turn the television off, then tossed it away. “I erm… oh god, where do I begin on this.” Phil took a breath and tried again. “I take marriage seriously. I mean, I know it’s just a piece of paper, technically, but I was raised to respect it. Like you said, a relationship is a promise. And I promised to love and cherish and honor and obey and all of that, and I meant it. And the whole time she and I were together, I never saw any reason to doubt that I would keep those vows until death did indeed part us. But… that was only because no one had challenged me yet. Dan, you.. you’re beautiful. I could write poetry about you. You appeared at my door, and… I couldn’t breathe. But that was only surface level, and I could dismiss that, you know? I was married, so I had to. I naively figured I could just ignore how attractive you were, and it would go away eventually. But… god, I kept waiting for it to stop. I kept waiting for you to, y’know, turn out to be a jerk or something. I kept waiting for the day when I suddenly saw all your flaws. But you don’t have any! I kept wishing for it to go away, but… it never did. I fell in love with you the moment I opened my front door for you, and it never went away.”

 

Dan tried to breathe, but the air moved in slow motion, his breath silent and shallow. He felt frozen in this moment in time. Phil loved him back? But he’d been so affectionate to Olivia, so attentive, so diligent in trying to rekindle the spark between them. It almost didn’t seem possible. But here he was, on the verge of tears, saying just that.

 

Dan loved Phil, and Phil loved him back. There was no longer any question about this.

 

“I felt like such a bad person for seeing you that way,” he continued, now looking Dan in the eye only sporadically, whenever he felt comfortable enough to do so. “I  _ knew _ you were bad for my marriage, but... I always wanted you around. All I knew was that you made me happy. Seeing you when I got home made me instantly smile every time. Talking to you relaxed me. I could be myself around you. I guess… the fact that you made me so happy was worth more to me than anything else. You made me feel loved in a way that… she just… didn’t anymore.”

 

“You deserve to feel loved, Phil,” Dan said quietly.

 

“Thanks to you, I do.”

 

Dan smiled warmly. “Good,” he whispered.

 

Phil leaned in close. Dan, as though pulled in by gravity or magnetism, found himself leaning forward as well. Soon their faces were close, the scent of wine surrounding them, the desire to kiss very strong. Same as it had all been thirty days before.

 

Phil hesitated. “Is this okay?” he asked.

 

Dan shook his head, but smiled. “Probably not,” he said. “I’d love to, honestly, but… you’ve only just stopped crying after kicking your wife out of the house. I really don’t want to have rebound sex with you because you’re lonely, you know?”

 

Phil pouted. “Fine,” he said. “Then have romantic sex with me.” He smirked and stuck his tongue out between his teeth.

 

Dan laughed and grabbed a sofa cushion. “No!” he said, smacking Phil with it. “You’re incorrigible!”

 

Phil chuckled too, and Dan’s heart was warmed by it.

 

“Fine, fine,” Phil said. “You’re probably right. It would be rebound sex.”

 

“No ‘probably,’ I am right.” Dan looked Phil in the eyes. “This, you and me… this could be amazing. And I don’t want to fuck it up by doing something we’d regret in the morning.”

 

“Well…” Phil made a thinking face, pushing his puckered lips over to one side of his face, and decided to try his luck one more time. “Would you regret it if we kissed? Just kissed. Nothing else.”

 

Dan smiled a tiny surprised smile, charmed by Phil’s adorable face and awkward request. “No,” he said. “I don’t think so.”

 

Like an anxious teenager, Phil scooted closer to Dan. He took a slow, even breath, trying to remember the last time he’d properly kissed Olivia. He couldn’t. It had certainly happened, but it was so long ago that Phil realized in a silent panic that he had no idea what he was doing. He was twelve years old under a tree next to his school and he had no idea how to kiss his crush.

 

The palm of Dan’s hand against his cheek, a comfortable and familiar feeling, took him out of his trance and he began to relax.

 

“It’s okay,” Dan whispered. “I’m nervous too.”

 

With a relieved smile, Phil finally leaned in and pushed his lips against Dan’s.

 

It would be nice to say that sparks flew, that Dan’s lips were perfectly soft, that their lips tasted like honey, that the kiss was magical and flawless and shot electricity through both of their bodies. But that would be a complete and total fabrication. The truth was, the kiss began poorly aligned. Once their mouths found each other, Dan’s lips were chapped and Phil noticed. They tasted like the bad aftertaste of too-sweet cake and cheap wine. Their teeth clanked together like malfunctioning machinery in an old factory, and they laughed through their noses until they pulled away from the kiss smiling like idiots.

 

“Oh my god,” Dan said, giggling bashfully. “That… let’s try that again, yeah?”

 

“Okay,” Phil said, laughing right along with him.

 

The whole exchange was incredibly awkward. The push and pull between them, the experimental toeing of whatever line there was between them, was clumsy and difficult to navigate, but they did their best.

 

***

 

They did so well, in fact, that Dan woke up next to Phil at 6:00 the following morning.

 

The tinny, blaring dance tune emanating from the phone nearest to Dan’s head was unfamiliar, and it took Dan a moment to remember why the song playing was so much louder than the one he usually heard at this time of day. Then, when he remembered where he was, his heart raced. He looked down at his body to see that it was fully clothed. He sighed with relief. 

 

Phil inhaled through his nose and rolled over. Eyes still shut, he flung his arm out of the blankets to reach for his phone, only to find Dan in the way, nearly swatting him in the face.

 

“Phil, Jesus!” Dan grumbled, chuckling in spite of himself.

 

Phil’s eyes opened widely. “Oh,” he said, nearly drowned out by the sound of the obnoxious dance music screaming at him to wake up. “Hello.”

 

“Hello,” Dan chuckled. He reached behind himself for Phil’s phone and handed it to him. “Turn this bloody thing off, will you?”

 

“Oh god, I’m sorry…” Phil said, taking his phone and turning the alarm off.

 

As Dan reached a more complete level of lucidity he remembered that last night, after some passionate and very romantic kissing on the lounge sofa, Phil had begun to cry because he and Olivia hadn’t kissed like that in a very long time. Dan held him until he was calm, and then offered to sleep with Phil -- but only sleep! -- so he wouldn’t feel too alone to get a good night’s rest.

 

“How’d you sleep?” Dan asked, cutting through the new refreshing silence of the bedroom.

 

“Wonderfully,” Phil answered honestly. “Thank you.”

 

“Fuck,” Dan said. “I have to get the kids ready for school.”

 

Phil felt at peace hearing those words come out of Dan’s mouth. He watched as Dan stood up from the bed and stretched his arms up in the air, as though this were how every morning played out.

 

“You don’t have to,” Phil said. “Remember? I e-mailed the office last night saying I couldn’t make it in today.”

 

“But I want to,” Dan said, looking up as high as he could, stretching his neck. “It’s my last day!”

 

“No it’s not,” Phil blurted out. Then, upon seeing Dan’s puzzled face, he tried and utterly failed to explain what he meant. “I mean, uh, you won’t, like, never see them again. I mean like if you wanted to just… be there… for the kids… all the time, you could do that, you know. Like, I mean, honestly I can’t pay you for that, not forever, especially since I don’t have anyone else making money for us, living here, although I guess if I were paying you, you’d be making money, and then… would the money just be infinitely going around? I’m confused. I’m confusing myself.”

 

Dan laughed. “Phil, shut up. You complete and utter spoon, you’re going to short circuit your brain.” Dan finished the lunge he was in the middle of and then bounced on the balls of his feet and shook his fingers to get the blood circulating to them. Ready to face the day, he clapped once. “Right then!” He said, ignoring Phil’s adorably awkward stream-of-consciousness rant about Dan’s new role in his life and potentially infinite money. “I’m going to make breakfast. You coming?”

 

“Er, yeah, just… let me hop in the shower first,” Phil said. 

 

Dan noticed that Phil was keeping his lower half covered. “Alright,” he replied. He leaned over the bed and kissed Phil on the mouth, startling him slightly. Phil briefly worried about his breath, but stopped worrying when Dan didn’t pull away from the kiss repulsed. Instead, he broke from the kiss torturously slowly, savoring every moment of it. Then, stepping backward towards the door and looking at Phil, he gave a small two-finger salute. “Don’t take too long!” he said cheerfully.

 

Dan walked out the bedroom door with a confident smile, leaving Phil wondering why, just days before, he had been so afraid of his life changing.

 

***

 

At 6:30, Matthew and Julie marched slowly and dutifully down the stairs, their feet landing like lead on each step. They were fully bathed and clothed, but still rubbing the sleep out of their eyes. Dan was putting the finishing touches on breakfast, and the sight of him made the kids light up just a little.

 

“Good morning,” Dan said cheerfully.

 

Matthew looked at the stack of toaster waffles sitting at his spot on the table. There was syrup on them, yes, but also whipped cream, a strawberry, and a garnish of popcorn.

 

“You made Together Breakfast,” Matthew said wistfully.

 

Dan smiled at him, putting Julie’s now-complete meal on the table next to Matthew’s. “I thought this might be the last day I’d see you guys for awhile,” Dan explained. “And since Steven Universe was the first thing I watched with you guys, it seemed appropriate.”

 

Matthew ran over and hugged Dan tightly. “You sap!” He cried. “This is the best breakfast ever.”

 

Julie was already digging her fork into her waffles as Matthew detached himself from Dan’s torso and sat down to eat. As he did, Dan’s eyes were drawn to Phil, who was coming downstairs dressed and looking amazing. They both said good morning to each other at about the same time, talking over one another clumsily. They laughed, then shared an awkward silence, each waiting for the other to speak.

 

“Have dinner with me tonight,” Phil said, once again blurting it out so he could say what the wanted to say before he could stop himself.

 

Dan opened his mouth to respond, but found he didn’t know what to say. His heart was practically screaming in his chest, “yes! Yes, go to dinner with Phil!” But he worried that, if things moved too fast right after things ended with Olivia, it might spoil everything.

 

“You’re s’posed to say ‘yes,’” Julie said through a mouthful of waffles.

 

Dan chuckled, bashful and unsure, but definitely agreeing.

 

“I… okay,” he said, smiling uncontrollably. “I’d like that.”

 

Phil suddenly poked a reddened spot near Dan’s jaw. “You’re blushing,” he said.

 

“Am not,” Dan said.

 

“What, transforming into a demon, then?” Phil asked with a smirk.

 

“Maybe,” Dan answered mischievously.

 

“You’ll have to show me later,” Phil said, stepping closer to Dan, his voice low and breathy.

 

“We are  _ right here,” _ Matthew grumbled.

 

“Setting you guys up was a mistake,” Julie said.

 

“We’ll talk later,” Dan whispered in Phil’s ear, a silent promise of the sexy variety hiding behind his words.

 

Once the kids were finished eating, Dan and Phil made sure they had their bags and coats and everything else they needed for school. Seeing the kids off together felt  _ right. _ The sky was clear, the air was cool, and Dan was perfect.

 

Phil decided he was ready for his life to be upended.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, that’s that! :) 
> 
> “Now, on to the future...” :D

**Author's Note:**

> @americanphancakes on tumblr!


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